Celebrity Smackdown : Recap

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[ad#Digg]          In a world where celebrity gossip happens moment to moment, we thought we would give you a quick recap of the crazy stuff happening on any given day. Now, this information can change dramatically between keystrokes so it is important that you stay abreast of the daily chaos.

          Randy and Evi Quaid where busted up in Canada for their probation violation in Santa Barbara California. The revelations are the following: 1) Evi turns out to be Canadian. I didn’t realize Canadians could be crazy so that explains her idiosyncrasies. (Speaking very slowly and loudly)  “Evi , in America we pay our rent.” 2) They are convinced that they are not crazy and that they are actually actors and artists who are the victims of ‘racketeering’. This is probably not the word they meant but apparently other actors have fallen to these nefarious pigs. Quaid mentioned David Carradine was a victim of this gang of Hollywood racketeers. And I thought he just liked to masturbate while in fishnets and trussed like a pig. 3) The Quaids repeated ‘We are not crazy’. Evi is Canadian and Randy is an Actor. Nuff said.

          Charlie Sheen loses his shit and trashes a hotel room which he happened to have been sharing with an amateur porn star. The story from his camp is that he lost his 150 grand watch and wanted it back. The would be bicycle (everyone takes a ride) says she did not take it and wants to press charges or get his probation revoked or get publicity or show her strawberry eating head shots or her ability to lick her own clavicle. Then, Charlie Sheen goes back to work while the ‘would be’ porn star goes on a daily revelation of ‘and then he…’ until she receives some serious 2 and a half cash to shut her up.

          Mel and Oksana are bound and determined to air every piece of this court battle on TMZ. Personally, I think Mel is a racist, anti-Semitic asshole with an impulse control issue. However, I find it interesting that his marriage of a thousand years with many children imploded out of the limelight while this micro-second dalliance with this Russian chanteuse is going down like the Hindenburg wrapped in a Titanic. He was an easy target and Oksana is milking the fatted calf.  

          Christine O’Donnell apparently doesn’t wax, is not a witch and she’s just like you. Personally, she scares the shit out of me kind of like single white female meets Karen Black from Trilogy of Terror after the voodoo fetish doll gets her.

          Joe Jonas has apparently ditched the purity ring and appears to be doing very unchristian things with Ashley Green. The reports say that Joe’s Mom is upset that Ashley the Succubus has turned Joe to the dark side and away from the moral, right and just way she raised him. We, at CoubleDumb, would like to remind Joe’s Mom that he is probably as much of a virgin as she is and that championing your 21 year old son’s virginity is as ridiculous as claiming that Miley Cyrus is still pure. And for G’d’s sake, you’re his mother not his wife! Let the boy have some fun!

          Demi Lovato is in rehab for emotional issues. I usually go to therapy, hang out with friends or take a nap. 

          To sum up, Charlie is still using and yet another ho is trying to get some attention, Mel is still whack but Oksana is a milk maid, Randy is an actor and Evi is Canadian and they are not crazy (wink wink), there is a wicked group of people in Hollywood who steal your money and then dress you up, put you in bondage gear, masturbate you and kill you and apparently that’s called racketeering, Christine O’Donnel is scary, Joe Jonas is getting some and Demi Lovato is a wreck and possibly a cokehead.  Every one good now?

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