Celebrity Smackdown: Dr. Laura

Dr L. in all of her glory.
          It’s Celebrity Smackdown day! God we love this day! This is when we allow our judgments to fly and ranting is encouraged. The topic this week is ‘shoulds’ and how they mess up our lives. So, who to smack? We need to be honest. There are just some people out there that we hate. It’s true. There very being pisses us off and anything and everything they say is suspect and heard with the background tune of banjos. One such individual, who has been mentioned on a Celebrity Smackdown before, really makes our teeth itch (this is a Paulism that means annoys or irritates). One thing is being opinionated but shoulding people while sitting in a little booth with earphones on is quite different.

          Lee says: One of my friends from grade school told me she listened to Dr. Laura. She found it funny and enjoyed hearing the train wrecks. My reaction was visceral. I hate that woman. But I need to be clear why I hate the hypocritical double speaking ethically and morally vacant Dr. Laura Schlessinger. First of all, Dr. Laura holds a Ph.D. in Physiology. I know it looks close in spelling but it isn’t psychology. She received a certification in Marriage and Family from USC and was a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for a time but not now. She practices without a license and people believe she is a psychologist and neither she nor her staff really do anything to dispel this belief.

          So how does her radio show work? She gets someone on the phone and ‘shoulds’ the crap out of them. ‘Are you living with him?’ ‘Did you have premarital sex?’ ‘You need to honor your husband’ blah blah blah. First of all, she lived with a married man for eight years before she married him and those titty and kitty pictures that were passed around several years back were from a previous lover, not a perv who was stalking her. Just because you’re all dried up and probably won’t be engaging in these activities again Laura doesn’t give you the right to condemn others for doing it. If she discussed it like ‘Hey, I’ve been there. I get it’ that would be different. But she doesn’t.

          Then there’s the whole homosexual stuff. She is on record as calling homosexuals aberrations, deviants, pedophiles and a biological error. She was found guilty of violating Canada’s Code of Ethics by using this defamatory language. And what does she do after years of spouting this same shit from the highest mountain? She goes on Larry King and kind of takes everything back. Almost. Homos shouldn’t get married, according to her, but love is great and everybody should love someone. Hey Laura, when you were an Orthodox Jew you said ‘Be gay just don’t do gay’. So homos can love each other just not LOVE each other. Oh! What the fuck does that mean? 

          Then your kid, the former army soldier, gets caught with some really fucked up shit on his MySpace. First of all, what kind of fucktard that works for our government puts damaging photos of Arab prisoners and uses racist epithets to describe them and cartoons about raping, torture and child molestation? Yo Laura, apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, huh? Maybe if you would have stayed at home with your son (which is what you preach) instead of creating an empire based on your warped judgment, your son would have grown up to be a man of integrity and not a total asshole.

          And while we are on the subject of ‘do as I say not as I do’, Laura, your latest deal is that most women today are pigs. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, that does include you, right? I will say that CoupleDumb is opinionated and we say a bunch of things that people should try out only because we live them! Trust me. You will never find any naked pictures of me on the net, a sex tape or judging someone with ideals that I don’t live by. Besides, I’m smart and burned all the negatives and taped Scooby Doo over the sex tape like any good pig woman would.


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