Celebrity Smackdown : Dishonest Celebs (that’s a redundant statement)

Oops. Sorry.

          Wednesday means its Celebrity Smackdown on CoupleDumb. This week we are discussing the Don’ts of Relationships. To recap, Don’t Assume and Don’t Live for Someone Else. Seems easy enough right? However, today’s Don’t people believe is as elusive as the Loch Ness Monster, as difficult as a colicky baby, and as stressful as a Brazilian Wax. And for a celebrity, it seems to be an impossibility. Despite all evidence to the contrary, celebrities believe at times that they are above the simple rules that govern society. This rule in particular seemed important enough to engrave in a stone tablet and have Charlton Heston himself deliver to Edward G Robinson. So while celebrities are burning in the depths of hell because they lack the honesty it takes to be a normal human you can vaguely hear someone saying ‘Where’s your agent now, myah see.’

          Lee says: If you read our blog with any frequency you would see that there is an underlying current to everything we write; we don’t lie. We are, at times, painfully honest. We have found over the years that honesty is the only way to live. We know we didn’t discover this and this is not a burning bush revelation but it seems when you look at anyone in the public eye, the truth seems to be almost malleable. You would believe that the philosophy of man is ‘the truth is what I say it is’. Now, we understand that to every situation there is a point of view, a skew of perception but there is always a concrete variable to every story that can’t be denied.

          To date we have refused to mention a certain family that had a TV sensation a couple of weeks ago. We just refused to give the father of this clan any kind of publicity. You know who we’re talking about. The man who lied about a possible tragedy to get air time and used his family to make it really sensational? Now this dildo is all over the place and all of his crazy schemes are coming to light from a stupid driving book to You Tube videos that are as entertaining as a root canal. But how did he gain notoriety? He lied. Not only did he lie but he got his family to lie along with him! Yes, you can say that this asshole will probably get in trouble for this but ultimately, we gave him what he wanted.

          Then you have the celebrities who are caught with their pants down. The evidence can be stacked up against them and still they lie through their capped teeth. I mean, come on, the only reason we are still fascinated with Jon Gosselin is because we’re waiting for the next lie to spill out of his mouth; the most recent being that he had never discussed doing something with OctoMom for her reality show. Really Jon? You have proven yourself time and again as a media whore and yet you would not reduce yourself to working with OctoMom? Listen you Ed Hardy wearing bitch, you ooze mendacity and the mere fact that you call what you did on your reality show ‘work’ is indication that you have no concept of what labor is. Whereas your soon-to-be-ex can get a job as a nurse and make a decent living, you, as a high school diploma sporting guy who’s only claim to fame is being pussy whipped on Cable TV and having a litter of kids, have a bleak future. How about you start telling the truth and shut the fuck up!

          If it isn’t Eddy Murphy picking up trannies to give them a ride to church, its David Hasselhoff overdosing on alcohol again and calling it an allergic reaction. Come on Eddy, his voice was deeper than yours and David, the allergy to alcohol is because you removed your liver to make room for a distillery. Yes, Bill Clinton got a blow job from an intern and Nixon sent goons to raid the Democrats office because he wanted to see what they were planning. All fucking liars and we sit here and ultimately forget and forgive their sins or chock them up to ‘it was none of our business’. Well I say BULLSHIT! Every time you tell a lie a baby seal gets clubbed. Think of all the dead seals out there. Lying is another way to separate you from someone. The more you lie, the bigger the separation. Honesty is a delicious nakedness. Going commando through life with transparency is the perfect individual foundation to begin a relationship. Seriously, how many of you think OctoMom and Jon wouldn’t be great TV? Their meeting will cause a Fertility Armageddon where it will rain Nonoxynol 9 and Depo Provera for 40 days straight.

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