Celebrity Smackdown: @Celebs

And that Justin Bieber is a girl.

          Ah, this week is like putting two mirrors together and getting that infinity effect; a blog talking about social media written by people who are using social media to get noticed as writers. Dizzying really. There are a lot of people out there who have embraced the social media phenomena and some celebrities like Ashton Kutcher who made it his bitch. Taking on CNN on the run to a million Twitter followers was not only genius but the litmus test to the power of social media. While he employed everything from his tweets to You Tube to make it to a million first, CNN relied on the boob tube to make a follower push for them. We know who won that bit but who is just failing at this type of media along with all others.

          The Lohan Family: Although it is fun and mildly amusing to see the drunken rants of Lindsay ‘someone set up her conservatorship fast’ Lohan or read her Dad’s ‘I got shit on tape’ Lohan talk crap about his daughter, it feels dirty. I mean, she’s pathetic. She is the poster child of every Just Say No thing you can imagine from cocaine to prescription drugs to drinking to smoking to dying your hair anything other than your real color especially when you are a red head who has a very specific complexion. Her Mother, Dinah ‘To bad I can’t have more babies to whore them out and I wonder how much the Simpson family spent on Ashley’s makeover because Ali looks like a 48 year old hag’ Lohan, is the poster child of denial. Is it that she can’t stand to let her once cash cow take a few weeks off from getting paid to party or thrown out of parties or getting paid by paparazzi to do something stupid or interviewed to show how TOTALLY fucked up Lindsay really is while she says the opposite….O.K. enough. Just do us a favor. STOP TWEETING!

          @justinbieber: I’ll admit, I don’t get it. My niece referred to him as smoking hot. I think he looks like a dyky girl. I have to admit when I see tweets like this ‘other than that…IM IN NEW ZEALAND!! THEY GOT NO PREDATORS IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY!! I AM THE MOST DANGEROUS CREATURE HERE!!’ I vomit in my mouth. Dangerous? My grandmother with two artificial hips, dementia and the tendency to change the story when it gets a little emotional can kick his ass with one hand on her walker. Listen kid, you aren’t dangerous and you’re no more than a fad and in about 5 years we’ll see you tweeting about getting drunk and the paparazzi are stalking you and you’re working on your comeback album that never comes out and your only hope of relevance is a reality show on VH-1.

          @davidarchuleta: Yeah, this guy was cut out of non-fat cream cheese. This guy is so hallmark sweetness that he makes my pancreas seize. This guy is so unbelievably vanilla that he makes Bieber look like he shoots up with Keith Richards while getting blown by Courtney Love. David Archuleta makes vanilla look like chocolate chocolate chunks with fudge. He is the white standard of mild. He wouldn’t know anger if it raped him with all the woodland creatures who follow him cheering it on. For this, I say, stop tweeting my little milquetoast friend until you’ve seen a vagina up close.

          Here is a short list of the celebs worth following: @rainnwilson (funny doesn’t begin to cover it), @aplusk (Ashton may not be a world class actor but he does use his status for good not evil. Of course, you can follow us @coupledumb unless you’re J. Bieber or Archuleta because we always follow you back and we can’t read anymore of your bland shit. Sorry.

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