Cave Paintings and Grunting
We spend lots of time in this world trying to define and categorize things. In fact, that’s all the Men are from Mars blah blah was about. The reality is that at the core, men and women want the same things in life. We may define and approach them differently, but ultimately we all want to love and be loved. Since we all want to get to the same place, let’s all do this together. But to create a healthy relationship, we should have some idea of how our differences may create some problems. This is all a nice way of saying ‘Occasionally he/she does some really stupid shit and I can’t understand why but I know he/she loves me.’
This week, we will focus on Men! Why we love them, why we hate them and how they drive us nuts.
*(Now remember I’m talking in generalities and not about your boyfriend who you swear is the bomb but is probably an asshole that you defend; ‘but Lee, you don’t understand that I love him…’)
Lee says: I have said it before, I love men. I think they are amazing creatures and I continue to be fascinated by how they communicate feelings with such a poor vocabulary. I am one of the lucky women out there who found a man who was willing to learn to communicate in a language I understood and teach me his cave painting style. One thing that was clear at the beginning of our relationship was the incredible difference of how men and women manage a business. This is some crucial information here, people, because it directly translates to relationships, especially if you have a job.
Men are rule makers. At an early age men are introduced to team sports and, in general, they flourish with the camaraderie and competition. There is little coincidence that sports and military are considered a man’s domain since the very structure of it is ideal for men to excel. A man will create clearly defined rules so as to make them self look good and ensconce him in power. I know big frilly words but loosely translated is that men create structure so they can rule the roost. They have the way they like things done and their goal is obvious.
How does that translate to an intimate relationship? Men are the ones, historically, who make the first move, propose marriage and are generally expected to make decisions. In today’s modern relationship, men are seen to ‘allow’ women the opportunity to share the load and create a partnership for the betterment of the relationship. In most couples, men are expected to take the lead in defining the relationship even if we all proclaim to be feminists and would burn our bras in a hot second.
The reality is that this functions because we are socialized this way. Men still have a little caveman in them and we need to acknowledge that. Most men, however, are evolved and see the value in sharing the responsibility of creating a home. Some guys will never understand and see any attempt to change them as an affront to their manhood. You are violating their defined boundaries of how things should be done and any vacillation from his policies and procedures will be dealt with swiftly. These men believe that if things are done his way, all will be well and he will be loved.
The problems arise when we mix a man’s clean edges with a woman who wants him to take charge but retain her voice, individuality and independence, without loosing any of her femininity when she asserts herself?
Paul says: Send all hate mail to Lee@CoupleDumb.com