Being Pregnant, Carnitas, and Magic Wands

The axis of terror.

          If you have kids, want kids, have nieces and nephews or have friends who have or want kids, you have come to the right place. CoupleDumb does not sugar coat parenting in any way. We will not give you your medicine with a spoonful of sugar. You will swallow that horse pill without water and painfully digest it like the rest of us. We kid though. We love our kids and yet it is perfectly fine to say that they drive us crazy sometimes. It is perfectly natural to want to get away from them and have some alone time. But what do you do when they are attached to you? Feeding off you like parasites? Pregnancy is just another time to practice your parenting.

          Lee says: Ah, being pregnant.  I remember my pregnancies very well. Each has been very different except for the Mexican Food cravings. Oh my God, the carnita tacos were the best when I was pregnant. I felt like I was tasting food for the first time each time I would bite into one of those (which was almost daily). Anyways, being pregnant when you already have kids brings up some strange questions that you may not be ready to answer. Questions like: ‘How’d the baby get in there?’ and ‘Did you eat him?’ or ‘Are you going to eat me?’

          When I was pregnant with Bobby, my five year old, Jeannie would just stare at me. It took her a while to finally ask how this had happened. Jeannie was told about the baby at the very beginning and we took her to all of the appointments where she could hear the heart beat or see him squirming on the ultra sound. If she was going to take the job of big sister, she needed to be able to size up her opponent from the beginning. I constantly asked her if she was O.k. and reminded her that she could come to me if she had any questions. I’m a therapist. I know where trauma comes from.

          Anyway, months went by and she would insist that she didn’t need any reassurance or information. She knew we loved her and that her role was vital to the well being of this child. Jeannie was 10 when I was pregnant and because God has a cruel sense of humor, she began her period as I entered my 6th month. She knew that it would happen to her eventually but at that age she hadn’t even had the opportunity to have the 5th grade shocker of watching the puberty movie. So a week after this happened (and yet another thing I was pissed at God for) she asked how I got pregnant. Paul, as is his prerogative as Daddy, was nowhere to be found. I think he was actually hiding under the covers with a pillow over his head. I told her and like a good kid with Asperger’s, she took the information as logical and went about her day.

           When I became pregnant with Ricky, I had Bobby to contend with. Because of his tender age of 2, I could tell him that it was a magical wand and pixie dust that knocked me up (unlike Paul who told him that he told me to have a baby and so I had to). He believed anything. What he really believed was that the creature inside of me would be his little brother and that he, as the big brother had an incredibly important job. He helped us pick out everything when we registered at Babies R’ Us and he helped us set up their room because he refused to have the baby anywhere else. This was his responsibility.

          Now, at ages 5 and 2, Bobby and Ricky are the best of brothers and friends. They play together. They fight together. Bobby teaches Ricky his alphabet, how to break dance, knock knock jokes and he has helped potty train his little brother. Ricky refuses to go to bed unless his brother is already in bed and visa versa. Sure there are some draw backs to this. The three kids are a formidable front because they are stubborn and smart. They could take us if they put their minds to it. Luckily they don’t read this yet and this post will self destruct in a few weeks.

          Paul says: I must make a correction. I told Bobby that I used my magic wand to put Ricky into Mommy. I also told him that I did it well and that Mommy begged for it.

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