THE Relationship Blog

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We all want the same things in life. We want money. We want health. We want people who care for us and with whom we feel safe. We want someone who loves us and whom we love back. It’s all simple when we break it down to the common denominators. It gets tricky when we add our modifiers. ‘I want to be rich!’ ‘I want a husband!’ ‘I want more!’ There is nothing wrong with wanting but it is in wanting that we lose balance.  It is in making what we want more important than ourselves that we lose sight of what is important.

People who are stressed or overwrought are out of balance. A loss of balance is as simple as leaning more towards one thing or another. On a bicycle, the loss of balance is pretty obvious; we fall. In life, the loss of balance is noted when we begin to show symptoms that effect our day to day lives. The first signs are usually physical. We can’t sleep, we can’t wake up, we lose our appetite or control (i.e. Not hungry, eating at weird times, cravings, and mindless eating). Our body reacts to our lack of balance fairly quickly. The psychological reaction is slower and convoluted.

Someone who is psychologically out of balance, this is not to be confused with someone who is mentally ill, will show signs of anxiety. However, anxiety can be boiling right under the surface for a long time before we notice it. It may appear as a nagging thought, a recurring dream, a feeling of urgency; however, few people will be in tune with these slight fluctuations in their mental states. We often ignore these symptoms and interpret them as maturity. You see, anxiety does not necessarily want to be found out. Anxiety is a self preserving feeling. Anxiety says, ‘You need me to keep you alive!’

Ultimately, anxiety makes us lean too much to one side and our physical symptoms become evident. It is at this time that we realize that there is something wrong. Our neck is stiff. We have headaches. Our back seizes. Our blood pressure rises. Our stomach gets upset. The psychological ones hide in their subtleties and rationalizations. ‘Sure I have this nagging thought but worrying forces me to deal with it.’ ‘Sure I can’t sleep because I’m worried but now I have more time to come up with a solution.’ Have you ever noticed that worrying has never produced a solution?

Balance is the ability to take the problem and let it go when no obvious solution is presented. Balance is keeping you as the priority at all times. This is not the same as being selfish but it is being self focused. You can’t be a good mother if you are exhausted. You can’t be a good mother if you completely ignore your marriage. Balance is needed to give your best to all of your life roles. When you are centered, you can reach out to the different spokes of your life from a place of perfect balance. You give to your husband, children, work, and family only as long as it keeps the wheel moving forward and you don’t wobble out of control.

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