When you look at a couple, do you assume who is in charge? Do you know couples where they are always fighting for control? Is that your relationship? Control is a weird thing. When we are kids, we believe that we can control our environment and we push limits to see how far this control goes. When we are teens, we believe we ‘got this’ and our parents just want control of us. When we are young adults and set off into the world, this idea of control becomes very real and we may lose it a little by drinking and partying too much. When reality sets in, we use control to try to create safety because the big bad world is scary. In relationship, that does not change. Control is an illusion of security and fairness is a playground game.