Arguing With Your Spouse

THE Relationship Blog

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If you go by the modern wisdom provided by the media (ie. TV, Film, Book), one would assume that conflict is normal. A person watching a sitcom would assume that couples arguing over benign, banal and boring stuff is part of being in relationship. A passerby seeing or overhearing a couple fighting over money or sex or the kids would think nothing other than, ‘They must be married!’ Which brings us to the point of, WOW, are you guys wrong!

Conflict is not a necessary part of relationship and in fact most conflict is indicative of a poor foundation and non-existent communication skills. Most conflict can be avoided if you stop doing the following:

1. STOP TRYING TO WIN! Sorry for the caps but winning a fight in a relationship is like winning first prize in an ugly contest. It is not a win at all. Ultimately, the winning and fighting corrode the couple to the point of making their commitment brittle. Winning is not everything and in a relationship it is deadly.

2. Your opinion does not matter.

We know, we have been taught that our opinions are valuable and we have the right to express ourselves. However, our opinions are just subjective ideas that we cleave to as if they were passed to us as if from God Himself. Our opinions are not truths. Therefore, when you are having a knock down drag out fight with your partner because your Mom taught you that the toilet paper should be put in to roll down and not up and your heathen husband was taught differently by his feral family, remember this. It does not matter.

3. Fighting does not make your relationship exciting.

There is this horrible rumor that couples that argue have passionate relationships. That would be untrue. Couples who have frequent conflicts are actually demonstrating a strained relationship. Make up sex seems to be the only thing keeping them together. And, as you all know, CoupleDumb is completely against make up sex. Make up sex is a very dangerous practice that mixes anger and sex. Ultimately, the couple will create more of a distance because the only thing that they share is post coital endorphins.

4. You have to agree on everything.

You can disagree without the need to argue. A marriage or long term relationship is not made or broken by disagreeing over something like politics. When you believe that your opinion matters, you need to win and fighting makes your relationship spicy, then you will argue. To disagree is to respect one another. Disagreeing on something gives you the opportunity to grow and open your mind.

CoupleDumb wishes nothing but love and happiness for people and truly wish that we could take a wand and wave it over the television and movies that portray such unhealthy behavior. Now, we are not willing to protest media to get it sanitized for our viewing pleasure. We just respectfully disagree with how relationships are portrayed. See how grown up that sounds?

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