A World Full of Happiness

Our space alien overlords told us to do it.

          One of the great things about being human is our indomitable ability to shit on our happiness. Let us explain: The moment we feel any pleasure, joy, gladness or happiness, we immediately look for the cause and the set-up. We begin to anticipate the rug being pulled or the preverbal shoe dropping that will return us to the misery of the status quo. This is the fuel of every conspiracy theorist and malcontent in our world and we will remind you that they are the majority. They are the ones that tell you that anyone hawking happiness is selling you something. They are the ones that will tell you that happiness is fleeting but ‘blah’ or ‘meh’ is the way to live. They are the ones that tell you that working at maintaining happiness is similar to trying to trap a fart in a jar; pathetic and the any positive results would be less than satisfying.

          We are here to say that you can’t maintain your conspiratorial personality and be happy. The two ways of thinking are self-cancelling. To be happy, you must be able to accept the gifts of life and not look for the snakes to spring from the can. To be happy, you must be able to embrace the quirkiness of this life and not look for the hidden cameras or Alan Funts who are there to embarrass you. To be happy, you must be able to look at the moon and the wonders of the distant glowing satellite and not contemplate how we were duped into believing that we landed there (BTW, we saw the MythBusters where they busted any doubt that the moon landings were a hoax. All we say to these guys is up your antipsychotic meds and get a life).

          So your Happiness Directive today is to identify the Doubting Thomas in your head and give him his eviction notice. Yes, he probably has an attorney who can keep him in residence for a while without paying rent but he will leave with a little diligence on your part to cut him off.

          Sure, you can try to be happy but as you will learn from the manifesto tomorrow, like Yoda said, ‘There is no try. Do!’ We are excited to be sharing these ideas with you because, quite frankly, living in a world of misery sucks. We know. We have been there. We have wondered aloud when all things were wonderful, ’Wow, I wonder when God is gonna kick us in the nuts and steal our money?’ Not being this way takes a bit of effort not to slip into the common human response to positive emotions. But we ask you to fight the drift. Go ahead and step out of the mucky waters and walk on over to the clean waters of acceptance of your birthright to be happy and joyful. We’ll be there to hand you your sheets, flowers and tambourines.


  • Miriam Alario

    the MythBusters where they busted any doubt that the moon landings were a hoax.

    Not having seen it, I can’t make out from the grammar if they proved the landings did or did not happen.
    Whaddid they say?

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