A Shadow Wedding
Ladies and gentlemen, you are here today on this lovely Thursday to witness the unholy daily union of the shadow of Paul to the shadow of Lee. Paul’s shadow, do you take Lee’s shadow, to fight and to bitch, to cower and resent, until the end of the marriage and beyond?
Paul says: If you have been reading CoupleDumb then you know that I love Lee. Hell, you know that I love her, how we fell in love, our definition of love, and our opinions on making love. But this week we are talking about shadow and you know that our shadows came together at the same time that we did. If you understood the idea of an archetype, you get that my shadows cohabitate in unhealthy bliss with Lee’s shadows.
Earlier this week, Lee and I shared about some of our discovered shadows. I have one that I call the Silencer who embodies all of my feelings of being weird, different, and generally the odd man out. Remember the mother in Carrie who yells out ‘they’re all going to laugh at you’ to her daughter? Well, that is the general message that I receive from my Silencer. The reason that I named him the Silencer was that I shut up so that nobody will laugh at me.
So for fun, let’s marry my Silencer to Lee’s Sister Nazi, who she told you about on Monday. Let me quote from Monday to give you an idea of who she is. ‘This shadow is a rigid, unforgiving, cruel woman who knows how all things should be done and shows utter disgust when it isn’t.’ Can you see where the union of these two is a train wreck of frustration and sadness? If you can’t, run (do not walk) to your nearest therapist.
When we are working from our shadows then Sister Nazi says that everything that I am doing is wrong and Lee can do it better and the Silencer tells me to listen to the penguin because she knows what she is talking about. I withdraw into my feelings of weirdness and Lee takes on yet another job because no one can do it better. It is a marriage made on a flower adorned balcony in hell.
So, how do Lee and I stay married with our little shadowy friend hanging about? Long before we knew about shadows and gave them names and drew little drawings of them, we understood that there are multiple facets to our fears, hopes, loves, and hates. It was from communicating from a place of vulnerability and love that we could first tap into then bypass these shadow selves. Oddly enough, it still boils down to talking (and what you say…and why you are saying it).
For me, my choices are clear and obvious. I can either communicate honestly or I can sleep with an old nun. OK, catholic school boys, did that shrivel any willies?
Lee says: Paul Robert Fournier, get in your seat, put your hands on your desk, sit down and may God have mercy on your poor withered soul! You did that all wrong! O.K., I had to. Can you see why? Love and talking? Come on Paul. These readers want some real suggestions. They are holding on to a shred of a relationship and you tell them to talk?
Hehehehe. O.K., I’m back. Yes talk about it but I will add that one of the reasons our shadows have not killed off this relationship is because we have never allowed them too. As I knew that I could at times be a rigid, know-it-all who does everything right, Paul knew he could be passive, silent man who would allow an inflexible, flightless bird to take over.
Our priority has always been our relationship. Our egos and opinions have always taken a back seat to the couple. Our ‘I’ shuts up to the ‘we’. Do you get it? Do I need to draw you a picture? Of all the temerity and audacity of these readers to question me in the middle of my writing… Ooh. Sorry. I just channeled Sister Leticia (7th Grade Teacher and the most wonderful rigid nun I ever had).