A Man And His Penis

THE Relationship Blog

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Sex is great. Sex is an integral part of being an adult. Sexuality and sensuality are inextricably linked to your level of self love and esteem. In a relationship, sex enhances intimacy and communication. In contrast to popular opinion, sex is not supposed to be a chore in a marriage but a celebration! But, what happens when one of you can’t perform? What happens if your ability to enjoy the act is affected? This week, CoupleDumb will be discussing the issue of sexual dysfunction in a relationship. Today, we will focus on Erectile Dysfunction.

We socialize males to be sex focused. The male self esteem is in many ways dependent on his ‘manliness’. Manliness is defined by his ability to succeed, his power either physical strength or control over things, conquests and the value placed on him in society, i.e. respect. Men are complicated as to how and why they believe they are of importance to anyone. Men are taught that their primary manner to gain esteem is to do. Men are more likely to over-work for that very reason. Let’s face it, if you believed that your worth was tied to what you produced you would be a work- aholic as well.

A man’s worth is focused on abilities. Do I make enough money? Can I hit the ball, throw the ball, catch the ball? Do I command respect? Can I have someone sleep with me? Can I bring pleasure to my partner? When a man can no longer perform sexually for whatever reason, there is a severe blow to his ego and esteem. The man will believe that his value has diminished because he cannot ‘perform’.  The causes of Erectile Dysfunction vary from medical conditions such as cardio vascular to diabetes to prostrate issues. Those who suffer from psychogenic causes, or in other words, beliefs or traumas that may impede an erection, will compound their issues with problems maintaining an erection, because, in the end, a man lives for his erections.

The psyche behind a penis is overwhelming. Men build towers, skyscrapers and whole society in worship of the erect penis. Even the language for sexual dysfunction is so telling as to how the medical establishment defined a difficulty to maintain an erection: impotence. Sure, nowadays we are more evolved and not so cruel as to call a man with erection issues as being weak. But don’t let the language fool you that is exactly how he feels. The story of Samson and Delilah is an erection allegory. Delilah messed the guy up and he lost his power. His power wasn’t in his hair, it was his penis! In the story, he is the strongest guy in the world, she seduces him, he pledges himself to her and ultimately she betrays him by stealing his power (cutting his hair). I don’t think the story would have gone over as well had she Lorena Bobbited him.

A man is so many things and a penis is just one of the million wonderful things that he provides society. As a woman who adores men, I understand the loss and the grief that is suffered from being unable to function sexually, but the mechanics of sex are not limited to the penis. Being in a relationship requires creativity. Together you can overcome the grief and renew your relationship. Communication, love and respect are the key to getting through this time.

Also, there are many medical advances that can be explored in the area of erectile dysfunction. From oral meds like Viagra to surgery to penile pumps to injections, a man has many medical options to deal with erectile dysfunction. This, of course, would require the man to know that he is worthy of respect to be able to discuss erection issues with his physician. Doing this as a couple would make this easier for him as well. Having erectile dysfunction is not a death sentence unless you think all you are is an erection. Erectile Dysfunction is an opportunity to deepen your relationship.

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