A Little Sexting Between Lovers

THE Relationship Blog

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So yesterday we wrote about the preponderance of bathroom shots of naked people all over the net and text messages. We wrote about Anthony Weiner and his addiction issues. We wrote about how stupid it is to send someone you are thinking of hooking up with a naked picture of yourself as if you are a side of beef on parade in front of hungry carnivores. We wrote about putting away the cameras and keeping your clothes on. Today, though, we are turning the tables.

In a loving, committed relationship, the use of incentives or visual aids is not altogether a bad thing. For example, sending your husband a dirty text to let him know that you are thinking of him is not only a boost to his libido but a great boost to his ego. The sexy message is a reminder to him that even when he is not around, you are thinking of him. You are not only thinking about him but you are thinking of him sexually which is another way of saying, you want him. Being wanted, whether you are a woman or a man, is important for all of us and tantamount to maintaining a healthy, adult self-esteem.

Sending pictures of your nakedness to your spouse or life partner is another story. The reality is that before you do this, you must be positive the love of your life will protect your privacy as desperately as you want it protected. Or, is your partner or spouse capable of being a vindictive asshole who will make sure that your political aspirations or dreams of being a mentor for a disabled child will be shattered and your only option will be to turn to amateur porn on a web cam? This is something you must consider before pressing send. However, most of us don’t do that. We assume that forever means…well, forever.

Another thing to consider is the difference between sexy and dirty. Sending a picture of a body part sans clothing is a crude way of saying ‘I love you’. Sending your special someone a picture of you giving them a sly smile is sexy. One will possibly get you in trouble in the future if your relationship fails or you are hacked and the other is ultimately benign in nature and is labeled romantic.

We are often baffled with the need for people to separate sexy and romantic. In the case of sexting, you are forgoing the poetry for some good, old fashioned, detailed descriptions of what you are planning to do to them when you get together. There is no Shakespeare just hot, sweaty and nasty. There is a finite goal to this. Sending a picture is something permanent that can become a point of contention. Also, in cases where the pictures are commonplace, the naked form is then taken for granted.

As a society, we are becoming desensitized to certain behaviors and conditions. Perversion is commonplace and amusing and the missionary position is becoming an anathema. Only boring people do it like that with the lights out and some clothes on! Ewwwww! Freaky is meal du jour and God forbid if you are a prude and refuse to submitting yourself to contortionistic love play. Please, do not get us wrong. We are an adventurous couple in every definition of the word. However, personal integrity is also important. Freakiness for the sake of weird runs the risk of causing psychological damage and that is not good enough. At the end of it all, an orgasm is not worth ruining your life. We think you are more valuable than your naked parts.

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