A Healthy Marriage Challenge
Why does a person grow and mature? Is it time? Is it just the normal developmental pattern of a human being? You have met many adults that could use some maturity and we are sure you have met some young people who have the old soul and an understanding of life that age could not account for. The answer to what makes us grow is simply – life and the choices we make. Life is a complicated, messy, beautiful thing filled with pain and tears and laughter and love. Life ‘lifes’ at us and we choose to grow or avoid the prospect of change. This week we are talking about what a marriage should do for you and today we are talking about challenges and the decisions we make.
7 years ago we had a miscarriage. After years of infertility, then adoption and then a successful pregnancy, we figured any pregnancy should be blessed by the Almighty and go off without a hitch. Losing that baby was a blow not only to our family but a blow to our belief in God and the fairness of life. We could have chosen easily to stay in that anger. We could have chosen to become bitter and closed off from the world. We could have chosen to stop trying to have another child. Instead, we chose to grow from it. Thanks to that baby, we both decided to focus on ourselves and create new resources by going into therapy. Thanks to that baby, we both chose to change and deepen our understanding of life, love and the God.
Why tell that story? Easy. Like this little story, millions of couples suffer tragedy and loss on a daily basis. The world will tell you to pretend that it didn’t happen and only your partner/spouse will be there to show you reality. Your spouse is your mirror to what is really happening in your world. Pretending and faking life is not uncommon and we would guess that 75% of people jump in and out of a feigned existence. A healthy couple keeps itself grounded in what is real without losing a hold on what could be. An unhealthy couple shields one another from the reality of failed relationships and individuals who challenge their unhealthiness.
Your spouse should be your foil as well as your best supporter. Your spouse should be the first to say, ‘What you are doing is unhealthy and wrong and I cannot support you in that.’ It is their job to do that not just for your sake but for their own health. A spouse that does not challenge you is enabling you.
We know it sounds scary. We are not promoting arguments. We are saying that, when you love someone, you are willing to risk an argument by telling them the truth. If you do that for one another, you both grow and a couple that grows together is happy together.