Kim’s getting married. Husband: optional.
The vexatious contradiction is the hallmark of a good woman. They can be beguiling and in the same breath cut your heart out. That is the true beauty of a woman. We are the thorny rose! However, sometimes women come around and mess up our flow. Sometimes women do stupid things that make the rest of us beauties look bad. They operate as stereotypes; the most vapid of clichés. This weeks Celebrity Smackdown almost makes me feel dirty even mentioning her. I place her in the category of celebrity but for the life of me I don’t know how or why she is considered to be one. Of course, I am speaking of Kim Kardashian.
First time I heard that name I lived in Los Angeles and was, like most of my fellow Angelenos, faithfully watching the O.J. Simpson debacle. Kardashian was O.J.’s best friend and standing by his side as O.J. stood there a coupled of days after the infamous murders with band aids on his hands. So what was I to think when this girl came up on the celebrity radar? ‘Hey Kim, your dad was the best friend of a killer!’ But Kim acquired her celebrity, not from Daddy dearest who was a poor judge of character, but from allowing a douche bag to film her having sex with her. Had I known that a sex tape was all it took to get an agent, Paul and I would be getting a baby sitter and start choreographing some acrobatic, energetic and, if I may, spectacular sex scenes.
So now Kim is huge. No, not just her ass, but her brand. She is everywhere, from a reality show to the fashion world. And still I ask, why? I don’t get it but is that enough for a smackdown? No. I can excuse her for being put in this position, pardon the pun. Society elevated her to this status. What I don’t excuse is her stupid behavior. She recently announced something that will set back the women’s movement and feminism back to cave man days.
Kim is ‘Pre-Planning’ her wedding! Yes ladies, you read that right. Kim, who is not engaged, is going to plan her wedding that is not even scheduled or close to a reality. Those of us who have actually planned and had weddings know that it isn’t an easy task and now the added pressure of being pre-prepared tacks on another level of anxiety that you just don’t need.
The worse part is that once again women are thrown into that category of rapacious marriage mongers. All of us want to marry and have babies and have a picket fence and go to PTA meetings and have smart dinner parties. Not only do we want all that but our wedding better kick ass and be more memorable and better than every wedding that ever took place. Does Lamborghini make wedding favors?
Yo Kim, some women are quite happy not marrying or having babies or professional football players. We realize you live to be in the lime light and that kind of whoring is truly impressive and reminiscent of a Faustian deal. But you, regardless of how you got there or why you continue to be, are a celebrity and thus a role model of sorts. Now, of course, you are in the same category of role model as Paris and all the other reality show dipshits who for some unknown reason we see as famous, but role model, nevertheless. Little girls are already confused as it is and adding pre-planning a wedding just compounds this.
Kim, you seem nice. Go to a vocational school and get yourself a career. Do some honest work that doesn’t involve paparazzi or blowing someone on film. Your career, much like your ass, will fall someday and that is what you should be pre-planning.