50 Things I have learned in 50 years – Day 5

Over the next 50 days, I will be going over the 50 things that I have learned to make my life awesome. I know people are always doing these but so few of them have a PhD and 25+ years of experience working with human beings on what they want and changing the things they don’t like. Here is my list which will culminate on my 50th birthday.


I know you are thinking, ‘what about relationship stuff? That is why I’m here.’ Which brings me to #5.

#5. Relationships are work…..but shouldn’t be hard work.

The common belief is that relationships take work. Work is a scientific word that refers to the energy needed to burn calories. I have no idea what kind of manual labor you need to do in your relationship but you should not be breaking into a sweat unless that is what you guys are into. When we say that ‘relationships take work’ we make it sound like we are plowing the back 40 by hand. We make it sound like coal miners or bomb disposal folks who may or may not survive the next cave in or oops.

Long ago, I worked at a record store. I would get to work and sing and dance while attending to customers. I loved that job. It was hardly work when you spent 8 hours laughing, singing at the top of your lungs and dancing around. That is how I see relationships. It should be the best job and sure, I am caring and loving on a daily basis but it isn’t hard work. My relationship is the best job I have ever had- I spend my day sharing and caring with my partner who I would choose again and again. He does the same for me.

I don’t think my marriage will break my back or cause me the great suffering I see out there. If yours is, get out. It should not be like that. There are times that are tougher but that is why you have teamwork and share the load. The two of you against the world. Its only real work if it’s the two of you against each other. I’d rather be dancing and singing.

Come back for the next 45 days and see what else I have learned.

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