5 Wedding Traditions That Might Not Be As Romantic As You Thought

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          There was a time when we believed that a seizure was caused by demons in our heads. To fix this, the people of old would pop a few holes in the possessed person’s head and let the demons out. Why are we bringing up malevolent spirits during wedding week? You would be surprised at the things that we do because some ancestor thought that it was a good matrimonial idea.

          So here are 5 wedding traditions that might not be as romantic as you thought.

          1. Brides wear white to symbolize purity, right? Wrong. The tradition of a bride wearing a pure white gown did not start until the mid 1800’s, which is relatively recent in modern history, with the wedding of Queen Victoria to Prince Albert of crank calling fame. She wore white not because she was making a statement on her purity but because she thought that she would look damn hot. By the way, all of her bridesmaids wore white too.

                2. Since we are talking about wedding colors, why not blue? In the days before Queen Vicky busted out the white frock, women got married wearing something nice, Sunday best. If they wanted to do the whole symbolism thing, they might wear green for youth or purple for the courage of the soldiers in the Civil War or red for the independence sought by the colonists of the American Revolution. We actually think that blue is the best color. Blue means fidelity. We think that a blue dress with blue flowers for the woman and a blue tux for the man would be nice. Accent both with a blue hat, blue shoes, blue sox and that stuff that dentists use to make your teeth blue if you do not brush enough.

          3. By the way, the veil, which some wedding websites consider to be the most exciting and romantic part of the ceremonial attire, means obedience to your husband. Are you going to wear a veil at your wedding?

          4. In the days of old, the Scottish ancestors needed to mate outside of their tribe to avoid established incest taboos. So the ‘marrying type’ of man would go to a neighboring tribe and grab himself some nice wife material and if his father-in-law-to-be didn’t like it, he would need to be killed. Now carrying off an angry bride with good childbearing hips is a lot of work, especially if you are busy fighting off a tribe full of family members. The solution was to bring some friends with you to the ‘courtship’, preferably big friends with large swords. The biggest friend who killed the most in-laws was called your Best Man, as in the sentence ‘you bring your best man and I’ll bring my best man, and we will see who wins’. Also, the bride stands to the left of the groom so that he has his sword wielding hand free in case any surviving in-laws try to pull anything funny.

          5. Of all of the traditions in this article, the stag party is one of the oldest. It dates back to the ancient Spartan soldiers who were having the party for exactly the same reason that we have it now. Amazing how men do not change, even over 2500 years.

          There you have it. The foundations of the most beautiful day of your life as steeped in misinformation and some bloody violence. All of this information is to pound in the same point: stop focusing on the silly white dress and focus on the marriage that follows. This is just some loving relationship advice from CoupleDumb.


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