5 Things That Marriage Is Not
CoupleDumb has been at this for 5 years now and sometimes we come upon a topic that we can’t believe we have not written about before. So many people talk about what marriage is supposed to be and many times, they get it wrong. This week we will be talking about what marriage is and isn’t. As we approach Valentines’s day in a few weeks, before you make the mistake of proposing marriage or accepting a marriage proposal, here’s a list of things that marriage is not.
1. Marriage is not hard.
We know. You expected us to say that ‘marriage isn’t easy’ or ‘marriage isn’t for wimps’. That rhetoric is for those relationship advice sites that hire broken individuals to write for them and scare people. We are professional. We have been happily married for over 25 years and it is easy. If your relationship is difficult now, while you are dating, then it is not working. Two people should fit together and complement each other. Your partner should be encouraging you to grow and change into a better human being and you should be encouraging them as well.
2. Marriage is not for loners
If you want to be alone, don’t get married. It seems pretty simple and kind of stupid when we write that out but we get so many emails talking about how people want to be alone and the marriage is just interfering with that. Look, we all need ‘me time’ from time to time. However, if the only way you can be happy or content is by being alone, don’t get married. It’s inherent in the proposition of ‘two become one’ that you will not be alone and it is not your partner’s responsibility to give you space every waking minute. This is a team sport and if you do not play well with others, get off the field!
3. Marriage is not a fix-all
If you don’t like something about your partner before you get married, a ring and some vows will not fix that. If you don’t find them attractive or sexy, marriage will not fix that. If you aren’t having enough sex before marriage to your satisfaction, marriage will not fix that. If you hate his/her parents and family before you get married, marriage will not fix that. The only thing a marriage fixes is a need to be with the one you love for the rest of your life. That’s it.
4. Marriage is not a fantasy
After the big day and all the presents are opened and the honeymoon is over, the real marriage begins. The day in and day out of marriage is a lot like being single except for the other person in the room. And yet, you are committed to this person. You have taken public vows to be with this person in sickness and in health. This means if you have plans to go out and he/she feels sick, you cancel them. You are in this together and any idea that you could maintain the same life as before is a fantasy and a stupid one at that.
5. Marriage is not forever
Sometimes people make mistakes. Sometimes we miss the cues. Sometimes our feelings are so overwhelming that our mind blinds us to the reality of our lives. Sometimes couples should break up just to give both individuals a chance at happiness. There is no shame in making a mistake. The shame comes from not doing anything and allowing your life to be ruined because you made a mistake years ago. Divorce can be a good thing. Choose happiness for yourself and your partner every chance you get. Sometimes that may mean being apart.