I’m not fat, I’m just bloated

Tyra - Chubby girl spokesmodel?

Tyra - Chubby girl spokesmodel?

Susan asked: “Girls, body image, and (over)weight. Can you speak to that? (I am not talking about being skinny minnies, although that is certainly a serious problem as well.)”

          Lee says: Our daughters are definitely not immune to the societal obsession with weight and looks. Our focus on the superficial has taken a turn from being health conscious to being perfect. As we know cognitively, perfection is impossible however emotionally we all strive for some sort of perfection. The physical perfection is trying to fit some sort of mold that was created by some warped individual. When we were growing up, the ideal was to 36, 24, 36. That was considered a “10”! Today, that woman would be a cow and told to get lipo, boobies and wear Spanx!

          I’m a big girl. I have been all my life and, even though I have been releasing weight (I don’t use the word lose because it puts me in a scarcity spiral and makes me want to keep what I’m losing.  Stop shaking your head, it works for me), I will always retain my Latina ass. It’s remarkable and keeps my husband quite happy. I understand the stigma that the extra weight places on our kids and it saddens me when a beautiful girl is overweight since I know the crap she will go through. People are cruel; there is no getting around that. 

          I know my weight issues are exacerbated by the fact that I use food to soothe me when stressed.  I have worked on these issues in therapy throughout the years. A lot of my unhealthy eating behavior stems from inconsistent parents who would bitch if I didn’t eat and would freak if I did. There was no pleasing them so I ate secretly. These harmful habits have carried over into my adulthood and voila, chunky woman. I have become more conscious of my eating and really watch what I do, not to be skinny but to be healthy.

          Moms and Dads are responsible for teaching their children that the inside is more important than the outside. We also should be teaching them to honor their bodies not only with the food they put into it but also who we allow to touch it and how. Most religions teach that our bodies are temples and are sacred. And yet we treat them like piñatas at 4 year olds birthday party; filled full of crap and ready for the whacking.

          It should behoove every parent to be consistent and loving to their children. We should be modeling healthy behavior not only in eating but in lifestyle and the way we love and relate to others. They watch to see if you share your feelings and are willing to work on your issues in a healthy manner.  Our kids look up to us, which is a horrifying thought. They will repeat our mistakes which include how we deal with stress. So put down the cookie dough and chocolate sauce and reach for the carrots and call your therapist when you’re stressed. If you’re like me, you want your kids to live a long and healthy life being happy with who they are and how they look. If that look has some extra junk in the trunk, then amen.

          Paul says: I love my rubenesque wifey and her Latina ass. But, as I write this, I realize that that is the same stupid thinking, just with a higher lipid content. I wonder if, in some alternate universe where men like chubby women, females are gorging themselves for beauty and getting fat pumped into their hips.



  • Susan

    Thx for the input. I think a lot of this is about being honest with yourself about your eating habits. I also think we need to encourage our kids to keep physically active, especially by doing it with them. And admit, once in a while, “You know, today is a ‘I need chocolate’ day.”

  • Christie

    It’s amazing how I relate to this blog. Just yesterday my parents asked why I have put on so much weight and then proceeded to tell me that maybe if I were skinnier Icould find a man… Well, I dont give a shit what they have to say… I love my curves and I am much happier now as a size 10 than I ever was as a size 2, 2 years ago… It’s a constant pressure to fit some kind of mold, but I’m not sure where it was decided or who decided that skinny, palitroque’s are the way a woman should look. Women have hips and curves for nurturing and loving. Yeah, there are days that I wear my spanx, but hey, no one is perfect… 🙂

  • Amanda

    Being a young, large-and-in-charge woman myself I have had many brushes of glaring hatred with the mirror. I have slimmed down in the past few years but I did it for me and not for others; I think that is the key for young women to understand. You have to feel good in your own skin and let that beauty shine through the layers of clothes doned to hide that extra little roll of fabulous. Once you are comfortable in your own skin and you realize you’re beautiful whether you’re a single, double, or triple digit size others will realize it too.

    I have friends that want to lose weight to find a man….I want to feed them another cookie. We based our body image on what other people think. It is the curse of the young modern woman. We create muffin tops and bulge because we refuse to buy that next biggest size because according to society and the fashion world…it’s social death. I had a guy I liked one time grab my pants and audibly gasp as he found the jean size and exclaimed “you’re double the size of any girl I’ve ever dated”. I was comfortable enough with my size at that point to brush it off; I had him audibly gasping later that night but not for the same reason so it really does come down to knowing yourself, your beauty, and being confident. Young women have to stop looking outside themselves for validation and look within and use those sexy curves and sassy attitude no matter what a clothing company labels them.

    Labels are for products, not people.

    P.S. I refer you to Phenomenal Woman by Angelou. I was in a class where a curvy classmate performed the poem and it was amazing to see her step up like that.

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