God does not want your cherry


The third ring's for the divine cock blocker

The third ring's for the divine cock blocker


Remember going to school on Valentine’s Day with a bag of cards and candies for your friends?  You would hope and pray that your crush would bring one for you.  At the end of the day you had a bag full of cards from whomever to you, a molar full of sugar from little boxes of candies and a broken heart.  Oh romance!

Recently, a dear friend sent us a series of YouTube videos of a man discussing a Jesus Action Figure.  He thought it would be a good blog topic.  Our reaction was “meh” but it got Lee looking at the associated videos which led to some pretty messed up information. 

You have heard of how Christian kids are taking vows of chastity and wearing purity rings.  As most of you would expect, these kids have discovered a way around that whole virginity loss – Saddlebacking. What is this you ask?  Since “barebacking” was taken by gay men, pure Christian kids call unprotected anal sex the natural answer to avoiding the breaking of the hymen. 

We will remind everyone that we are the parents of a 16 year old girl and the last thing we would want is for her to be sexually active, contract a STD or have an unwanted pregnancy. 

In the spirit of full disclosure, as good Catholic School survivors, we did save ourselves.  Stop laughing and pay attention because it’s true.  Both of us were virgins when we began our relationship.  No, we didn’t wait until the wedding night but we were engaged and finally “pinned the tail on the donkey” only a few months before the wedding.  However, we would still discourage our children from making a pledge of chastity. 

Why you ask?  Because it is unreasonable, crazy, stupid and hypocritical since most of the parents encouraging these vows of celibacy had multiple partners and would not have considered this when they were their kids ages.  Abstinence is healthier for our kids.  The STD’s of today are like the sharpie pens of the sex world.  PERMANENT!  More and more people are taking Valtrex on a daily basis to maintain their genital herpes in remission.  Don’t click away parents, pay attention!  HIV and HPV are still around and going strong. 

Also you are shirking your responsibility by making God the sex police.  Since the child promises their cherry to God, failing Him becomes just another source of shame that acts as a wedge in their relationship.  It’s hard enough to be a good person let alone to know that you have failed God at such a young age.  And, since these same people who encourage their children to take these asinine vows believe in smiting, these kids will avoid church or any kind of communion with the Lord for fear of a lightening bolt.  God does not want your child’s virginity, so you deal with it.

Take some responsibility and teach your kids about sex.  Be honest with them.  Man up or put on your big girl panties and tackle the scary subjects now, while you can. Open the channels of communication and develop a relationship with your kids that would encourage them to come to you when the possibility of sex comes up.  Don’t let the only thing saving them from a lifelong mistake be a stupid ring and a vow.


  • Hinchey

    here! here!

  • Christie Diane

    I agree wholeheartedly. My parents NEVER spoke to me about sex or anything having to do with being intimate with a boy. The first time my mom spoke to me about sex or getting pregnant was last year. I’m 27 people, NOT NORMAL. If I had some kind of ground advice or knowledge rather than the knowledge of my peers, perhaps I would have been a bit more logical and a bit more careful. Ignorance is not bliss, it is the precursor to being naive and stupid when faced with adult situations at an early age.

    I have a 16 year old sister. Her mother doesnt talk to her about sex either… The other day she asked her mother what “oral sex” was and her genius mothers response was “its when you talk about sex”. Are you kidding me? So she came to me and I told her the truth…

  • Leah

    You guys are crazy … but I still love you.
    It’s not about making vows or giving your cherry to God … it’s about obedience, period.
    The bible says God values obedience more than sacrifice.
    Dang … what Catholic school did you guys go to ?????? LOLOLOL

  • Gino

    as spoken by a previous: it’s about obedience to God. yeah, I know, God is so uncool, but as a non-believer turned believer, I discovered just how cool God was to have around.

    That said: I think the best way to encourage abstinece is to encourage self-worth. When you give your ass away so freely, your ass isn’t worth much anymore. You become like that kiddie ride outside the grocery store instead, that has had so many riders nobody gets a thrill from it anymore.

  • Andy Lugo

    I can’t believe the Jesus Action Figure guy did not cause an impression. I thought he was a good example of someone who had enough sense to reserve judgment and not to impose whatever he was feeling about the JAF on his son. What about “Jesus has nipples! Two of them!!” Don’t tell me that was not funny at the very least.

    As far as the saddlebacking thing, parents need to provide their little girls with a strap-on and teach them how to use it as a negotiation tool. “Ok Jimmy. If you want to saddleback me, you have to go through it first. So wait right there while I get my strap-on. Then I’ll know if you really love me.” Hopefully, that will curb Jimmy’s desires a bit. That is unless of course he is into that king of thing. Then you’ll have two kids getting their freak on.

  • ree

    Sorry, I am replying rather late I just started today. I don’t agree with the vow of chastity because I have not found anywhere in the bible where that was asked of any of us. I think by having a child take such a vow it protects a parent from doing their job as parents. Putting a ring on and saying that I am not going to have sex is meaningless when its time to get married and this child now an adult decides to have sex, they have no idea on what to expect. I believe there are clear reasons behind why God wants us to wait for marriage to have sex and that’s what needs to be communicated to our children. Asking them to be odedient is nice but children are born disobedient. I want my child to understand what sex should mean, the positives and potential negatives and other age approrpiate ways to be intimate. The fact that these children have used anal sex as a means to avoid “traditional intercourse” lets me know that they have missed the point because the point was never communicated and they are still having sex.

  • Joe Nici

    You are right on the money with this post, keep up the good work!

  • Gift of Grace Books Purity Rings

    Some people think that purity rings don’t make any difference on teenagers’ behavior, but I’ve heard so many experiences from young people saying that their rings have helped them to remember their promises of not being sexually active before marriage. I would definitely recommend purity rings to my children.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.