Six pups. No judgment.

The Doggy Doula and her wards.
          As the sun dawns on a new Tuesday, we are gently woken by the squealing of our new puppies. Our doggy, which we rescued in late May, gave birth to 6 puppies that look more like rats; all white and pink feet and faces. We thought, due to her previous behavior that she would be a mediocre Mom. We judged her. To our surprise, she has turned out to be very attentive to her babies and we would challenge anyone to find a puppy with a cleaner ass than these. Her dedication makes us look at how much we are willing to do for our Pups. We know ass licking is completely off the table.

          Lee says: I remember my first few minutes with each of my kids. That overwhelming ‘Oh Shit!’ moment of ‘I can’t believe this is mine’ and ‘What the fuck am I going to do?’ Those moments extend into hours, then days and then lifetimes. Some moments I am more comfortable than others but then there are those moments that put you back into the ‘Oh Shit!!’

          We are talking about judging this week and parents are the worst at this. We can strive to be present and in our experience but when it comes to our kids, we have the gavel in hand at all times. Are they dressed warm enough? Cool enough? Have they eaten enough? Slept enough? Are their friends good enough for them? Hoodlums? Whores? Are they smart enough? Are we enriching them enough? Are they growing up to be good people? Serial Killers?

          We, as parents, spend so much time worrying about our kids being enough in one way or another that we forget to enjoy them; experience the wonder of being unfettered with issues, baggage and bullshit. It is those moments that make being a parent wonderful. Instead, our behavior teaches our kids that ultimately, we believe they are lacking. Our overbearing worry teaches them that there is something wrong with them. They are not enough.

          What do you do with all that worry? You let it go. Our worry is our own judgment of ourselves. Are we enough as parents? What will people think about us? If my kid stinks, how will that reflect on me?

          Yeah, I know you’re saying, ‘Lee, that isn’t me!’ But it is. It’s all of us. This is why we all get the same strollers, onesies and anti-colic bottles. This is why your kids do sports and you stand there and cheer your little heart out. Are you doing enough? Are you enough as a parent?

          Nothing tests this as much as parenting a teenager. Babies, for all the poop and lack of sleep, are easy. But an adolescent girl will make you question your belief in God. Your parenting chops must include some serious faith in your child. You have to know that you understand how their warped little minds work and outthink them. Such was the case with our daughter on Sunday. I had promised my sister-in-law to help with grilling duties for my niece’s birthday party and Hazel, the doggy, decided she was ready to pop out puppies at the same time. Jeannie had wanted to be a vet since she was a baby and suddenly changed her dream after the death of a couple of our dogs.

          So the judgment: did Jeannie have the stones to sit there with Hazel while she had her puppies or would she panic and try to intervene or worse, run away? Is Jeannie the animal whisperer that we know she is? When I asked her to stay with Hazel she had the ‘Oh shit’ face that I know so well. Before we left her, I checked on her one last time and she was on the verge of tears. That was my ‘Oh shit’ moment. Four hours and 6 puppies later, Jeannie was a new person. She remembered who she was despite her own judgment of herself that she could not deal with death. 

          Sometimes a parent needs to believe in who they know their child is despite all evidence to the contrary. I know it sucks. But then again, what do you expect from a job that involves vaginal ripping, nipple cracking and shit cleaning. It doesn’t get better from there. 

          Paul says: My only judgment on this is that I don’t want nine dogs in the house. My other judgment is that no one listens to me.

          Lee responses: Huh?


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