Choose you into oblivion.
Finally it’s Friday! Thank God. Hey, maybe we’re on to something. FiFTG! Anyways, we hope you all have plans for the long weekend. We hope your plan includes some relaxation, pampering and fun. We have yet to plan anything. Jeannie has finals starting next week and we have a playroom that needs major organizing or maybe some bricks and mortar to seal it up. The choices for the weekend are as varied as the members of our family. But let’s face it, we have family that we disowned a long time ago.
Lee says: I have a rather large family. Before we left Los Angeles, a family function easily had over 50 people present. I was related to all of them. But for some reason that I could only describe as uncanny insight, I knew that I choose my own family. Granted, my parents and siblings I’m stuck with which is fine since we all get along well. Over the years we have all grown and learned to communicate in a healthy manner. My parents understand the concept of boundaries and express themselves emotionally which is such a blessing.
However, there are those members of the family that, try as I might, I just can’t swallow. Don’t like them. Can’t stand them. More precisely, I don’t feel safe with them. I can’t be me which is a problem since I worked so hard to finally be me, I’m really not willing to give that up for a moment for anyone.
I remember having this conversation at my brothers wedding with one of my cousins. I told her that as children we had no choice; we were stuck with each other. However, as adults, we can choose to be friends or not. Now, I would never deny a family member and if they needed help, I would help but not due to our familial link but because I’m nice like that. I choose to surround myself with people who love me the way I deserve to be loved. I don’t engage in abusive relationships because I don’t find them fun.
I have been very blessed with special friends. I have had people enter my life that I have chosen to be my family. These friends have shown me more unconditional love than people who may need me for a kidney at some point in time. Why is that? Why do we choose to be less courteous and accepting of people we are related to? I find that so baffling.
For me, I have some family members who I consider friends. I have friends who I consider my family. And I have people in my life that I tolerate and wait to see what I will be learning from them or what role they will ultimately play in the Lives and Times of Lee. This sounds a little Machiavellian but for me, it is how I have chosen to live my emotionally healthy life. I am love. I am acceptance. And I can choose you into oblivion if you fuck with me.
Paul says: And of the two of us, Lee is the nice one. Do you remember that old Twilight Zone episode where the little girl falls into the extra-dimensional space and is floating around in oblivion? The parents call Bill the physicist to help. Well, I’m Bill. Not only do I have the ability to cast you into oblivion, I have studied it, understanding the boundaries and implications of my choices. I’ve spent way too much time thinking about my extended family.
Recently, my uncle died. This was one of my family members that I truly loved and about 85% of all of my happy childhood memories have him in them. He had an ‘adopted’ daughter from his wife’s first marriage which, by default, makes her my cousin. When my uncle died, I briefly considered trying to develop a relationship with my cousin. I decided not to. The reason was simple. I asked myself, if she was not my relative, would I want to be friends? Let see – I have a bachelors in physics, an MBA and I write. She couldn’t quite finish her GED but looks much better with her new teeth. You can read this as arrogance or pragmatism. Either way, I do not see my cousin and me sipping Merlot and discussing Einstein’s influence on modern culture.