Your safety word is ‘J. Edgar Hoover’
I love Thursday. It has a certain hedonistic feel to it. It’s post hump day so you feel the need for a cigarette and yet you are getting all lusty for the weekend. The teasing is excruciating and we hope it lasts. We have been discussing safety all week and today is no different. However, today’s focus will be about establishing safety in the boudoir.
Lee says: Let’s talk about sex baby! I love talking about sex because I figure if you can’t talk about it, you don’t know how to do it. Sex is one area of life where you have people with natural talent and those who can learn to be what their partner needs. There shouldn’t be any bad lovers out there. I understand being quick on the draw and other biological reasons why your prowess is compromised but sex always has extra credit and, if you are lousy at one thing, you can excel in the extracurricular activities.
Euphemisms aside, if you are bad in bed or have a bad partner, the reason is you have yet to cultivate the safety with your sex mate. Safety makes it possible to say things like, ‘I like it like this,’ or ‘try it this way.’ An individual, who feels safe in a relationship, would not take this personally nor would a person feel awkward saying it. People will say that they feel embarrassed sharing these thoughts or pointers with their significant other but that begs the question, ‘So you can exchange fluids but not talk about it?’ This is not a question of awkwardness but of lack of safety. You don’t feel your sex buddy will accept you nor do you feel permission to express your needs.
Story time! Paul and I were very inexperienced when we got together. It was a gentle spring day and I was in kindergarten… seriously folks?! I met him when I was 21 but I had done little in the sex department. Paul and I fell for each other intellectually before moving into the physical realm. We decided to get married a couple of weeks after we started dating. I still remember our first kiss. Not because of how special it was but because it was terrible. I remember opening the door of my house and my mother walking by and seeing me cry. Yes, it was that horrible. She asked me what was the matter and I explained, through the tears that I had agreed to marry a man who couldn’t kiss. My mother, with wisdom I doubt she ever used herself, told me, ‘well, then teach him how! Tell him what you like!’
Of course the thought of it scared me but I thought it better to deal with this now then have a shitty sex life. I had been a good girl and waited. It would have been a real kick in the pants had I waited for bad sex. The next weekend, we went out and I had stopped at the book store and bought a few books; ‘How to make love to a woman’, ‘How to make love to a man’, and ‘How to make love to each other’. I told Paul how I felt about the kiss (he reminded me of the Sith and I understood completely). We read the books together, highlighting the good parts and giggling over the naughty bits. We shared this and, like most things in our successful corporation, we have had many, many more meetings which have yielded higher productivity with improved quality.
After 21 years of successful partnering, I can safely say that I can tell Paul anything and when he kisses me my toes still curl. If I haven’t said it before, thanks Mom!
Paul says: The Sith taught me that women don’t like tongue while kissing. Yes, she was Darth Maul’s meaner sister.