Zombies in the closet and other things that are true.

Not crazy. Multitasking.

          Have you ever wanted something and have known that if you have it ‘All would be right in the world’? Have you ever thought ‘I need to do this one more time so that everything will work out’? Have you ever not gone somewhere or done something because of a ‘bad feeling’? Have you ever looked at other people who think you are crazy as if they are the ones who are crazy since they don’t do the same things you do? Welcome then to Crazyville where in our world the population is two.


          Lee says: I have no shame in my game. I do some crazy things. However, all of my crazy things come with a great explanation or trauma attached, thus they are not only justified but entertaining. And, if you think about it, isn’t that what we all want? So here is my crazy list.


          Shower in the morning and before bed. No exceptions.


          The closet door must be closed so the dead can’t come out and touch you.


          The blinds or curtains must be closed at night completely lest you run the risk of seeing a A. alien. B. monster. C. zombie alien or D. zombie alien posing as an intruder.


          I must wear something red if I need luck that day.


          Never eat a dairy and citrus. Orange ice cream is an abomination.


          If I see a lizard, it will be a good day. If the lizard thinks I’m cute and tries to attract me with his red air sac, the day will be fantastic.


See, I’m perfectly normal.


          Paul responses: I do not mind the showers because it makes her smell good and I get to see her naked but I could do without her waking me in the middle of the night so that I can shower. The red undies are sexy. The closet, blinds and dairy thing are accurate. Everyone knows that they are true. Duh. I don’t like lizards.


          Paul says: OK, now my eccentric normalities.


          Snakes make me scream like a little girl.


          Frogs are snake heads with legs.


          When we got married, my biggest fear was that someone would trip. To be honest, it was that someone would be embarrassed. I just think that falling and breaking your teeth would be very embarrassing.


          My feet do not touch the floor in the morning unless the time is at the hour, half-hour, or quarter hour. For example, if it is 7:17, I will not get up until 7:30. If I miss it and the clock moves to 7:31 then (whoowhoo!) I get to sleep until 7:45. As far as I am concerned, this is not at all crazy. It is just a way to regulate my life such that everything in the universe stays properly in order. Some may call is obsessive. I call it responsible.


          Lee’s response to Paul’s ‘eccentric normalities’: Right. Normal.


          The snake and frog thing would not be a big deal if we didn’t live in the sticks, near the largest swamp in the United States (the Everglades) where the little buggers roam free. Hearing the girly scream makes me think zombies aliens have arrived and want my luggage. Oh, did I mention I have a weird luggage fetish? Maybe I’ll elaborate in some future post.


          As for the tripping/embarrassment fear, geesh! We were getting married. If you’ve seen some of the pics on Facebook you will see we had a fairly large wedding. I handled everything. And while I stressed over the minutia like food, music and booze, Paul apparently was in charge of inane worries and neurotic fears.


          As for the time thing, I call it lazy.

4 comments

  • My husband screams like a little girl around snakes, too. Actually, any time he screams it sounds that way. It really pisses me off. Is it because I think he should sound more like Tarzan at that decibel? Nope. It’s like this. I’ve just had a mild heart attack because most of the time, he thought he saw a snake. (or shadow or whatever)
    He thought. A regular Chicken Little. Well, we all know how that story turned out.

    Lee, my best friend is a huge shower fan, as well. If she’s not showering a couple times a day, then it’s a bath. Is that crazy? I dunno…I’m on TEAM Once-a-Day. So far, so good.

    I don’t like the shower curtain left open, beds unmade and dishes in the sink. Oh, and I clean the toilet at least twice a day. That’s all I’ve got.

  • Chaninn

    Hmmm, my crazy thing is that everything on me has to be equal and balanced. For example, if I get one hand wet, both hands have to be wet before I’ll dry them.
    Also, nothing on my plate can touch. I take pains to make sure my chicken doesn’t get into the potatoes, etc. My brother was worse, he would keep everythinig from touching and only eat one type of food at a time, usually the meat/protien portion first, then the veg, then the starch.

  • Norma Allton

    This is a good blog, I was wondering if I could use this summary on my website, I will link it back to your website though. If this is a problem please let me know and I will take it down right away.

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