WTF of the Week: Dep Bev Campbell



          I like to keep my nose out of other’s peoples business. If what you are doing doesn’t hurt me then, I say, go with God, Mofo. However, sometimes I may allow myself a little wiggle room to judge or insinuate myself into a situation if I feel I must rectify a wrong. I like to call it ‘Leeway’.


          On Monday, Charlie Sheen was set to go in front of an Aspen judge and plead guilty to a misdemeanor charge stemming from his Christmas day assault of his wife Brooke Mueller. Charlie’s attorneys had worked on his plea deal for over a month and the final arrangement was signed off by the Aspen County District Attorney, the lead Prosecutor, Sherriff and Under-Sheriff. Under this agreement, Charlie would do 30 days in clink with work release 12 hours a day; in other words, 12 hours in and 12 hours out. Charlie already had a work gig set up which was to be an acting coach for the Aspen Theatre. However, at the final moment, Dep Bev Campbell, Pitkin County’s Jail Administrative Officer said no. She wanted to change his deal completely saying she could not ‘enforce’ this arrangement. First she called his work release ‘Useful Public Service’ and would change his release times to 10am to 4pm. And, to just fuck it all up, she said Charlie could not smoke at his Useful Public Service.  


          There is so much WTF here I think it would serve you, the reader, better if I just bulleted them:


          -Yo Beverly, way to insinuate yourself into a plea deal where every boss of yours minus the fucking Governor already signed off.


          -‘Useful Public Service’? Useful? Have you watched Charlie act? You do understand the Theater is actually putting on plays and not re-doing Hot Shots Part Duex?


          -You say you can’t enforce the deal as written but you think you can enforce that Charlie not smoke at the theater? You must be my Mom or something. Seriously? I use to smoke inside the house, next to a window and no one ever caught me. You think you’re going to catch Charlie?


          Now I am vehemently opposed to domestic violence of any kind and Sheen has a long history of being a dick (please note that I called him evil on Wednesday). However, the judicial system is all about working out pleas and other arrangements. Sometimes they are in the best interest of all involved and sometimes not. In this case, he was going to do some time. Unlike the DUI convicts in LA who go through the revolving door while getting ‘processed’ and are out before they miss their reservations at the Ivy, Charlie was going to actually be locked up for a few days. The system is not perfect but we are not at the same level of a gulag or Turkish prison.


          However, Bev Campbell is the worst thing that can happen to our already strained and limp system. She is the fly in the ointment and if I didn’t know any better, she is probably either lining up a big payday through interviews or is running for Sherriff. They made a deal bitch and your job is to carry it through. Consider yourself the sous chef. The order has been placed and it is none of your fucking business what the customer wants. Just cook it. Your job is to keep the inmates inside and manage the work release. No one wants to talk about this anymore so let him in your inconsequential prison and let him do his time. Most importantly, there are people in Aspen County dying to see Charlie Sheen do the Vagina Monologues while chain smoking.

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