WTF McDonalds?



          We have been busy but does that excuse a lack of WTF of the Week posts? No. It is a tragedy that CoupleDumb has decided to let the stupid things that happen weekly go untouched. Being kinder and gentler does not necessarily mean we have to roll over and show our soft under-bellies. And no, that was not a fat joke.


          So this week there were so many things that happened that something was awoken. The Sleeper has awakened a la Dune and she woke up pissed. Sure you can give a writer some anti-depressants but that doesn’t make them lose their indignation. Not that I’m on anti-depressants, just high on life and over-whelmed by work. So what outraged me so much that I brought back the WTFs?


          Last week, Congresswoman Jackie Speier was given the anonymous tip that McDonalds was selling cadmium tainted drinking glasses with the cute and cuddly Shrek characters. At that point, McDonalds had sold over 12 million glasses in the US and 1.3 million in Canada. Congresswoman Speier contacted the Consumer Protection Safety Commission and they expedited testing. After a private discussion with the fast food company, McDonalds agreed to voluntarily issue the recall for full reimbursement.


          So, crisis averted, right? There were no reports of little Shrek loving kids licking glasses and getting the chills or Itai Itai Disease (Ouch Ouch) complaining of pain or squishy bones. There weren’t little kids on the news with kidney failure holding a glass of juice with a green ogre staring back at you. So what’s the big deal? It’s not like the glass was made of cadmium. They used some cadmium in the paint on the outside of the glass. I realize kids do stupid things but most know that the point of drinking glass is to hold the juice you want and not to eat through the outside to get to the liquid center.


          No. The big deal here is that McDonalds hired a company in New Jersey (ARC International) to make these ‘novelty products’ and somehow let 13 million plus  receptacles of carcinogenic, bone softening, severe pain inducing characters into our children’s hands. Yeah, that’s cadmium poisoning. Not that the glasses had that much cadmium in it but, as in all gifts, it’s the thought that counts.


          What the fuck, McDonalds? I expect your products to make us fat and induce diarrhea and heart burn but soften my bones? What the FUCK? The worst part is that we were so worried by the rest of your food we completely over-looked the novelty items. I swear the McRib was made with some cloned half-bison/half-cat that is devoid of ribs. Now that should give you cancer or boils or something. But a friggen’ drinking glass, I ask as I drink out of our Captain Kirk glass that Burger King sold last year? The most fucked part is that Chris Pine is so hot that I have licked that glass. Should I get my bones checked? Should I worry that Paul can bend me into positions I couldn’t even get into in my 20s?


          Look, product placement and movie themed tie-ins are the norm and you can’t even go get gas without seeing a movie poster/giveaway urging you to enter to win the actual jock strap worn by so and so actor while fighting the alien horde as a metaphor for our immigration issues. I guess I was naïve that McDonalds gave a shit about us. I guess McDonalds, who doesn’t see an issue with producing meals which top 2000 calories a pop, wouldn’t give two shits if were licking cadmium soaked chicken nuggets. I guess I’m just sad that next time my sons ask for a Happy Meal, I will have to tell them that McDonalds is secretly trying to make them soft boned, cancer filled, respiratory infected freaks. I doubt that would stop them from asking for fries and chocolate milk with those nuggets.

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