Why We Play The Game
Are you playing the game? Join CoupleDumb on their MingleMediaTV.com show at Noon ET with special guest Charles Orlando author of the book The Problem with Women…is Men. Charles is an author, writer and speaker living in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is regularly tapped by radio and print publications for his relationship and marriage expertise, including Self, Men’s Health, Shape, and The Reporter. Charles’ past experience as a ‘morally challenged’ young man—combined with over 1,600 interviews with men and women—has brought The Problem with Women… is Men: The Evolution of a Man’s Man to a Man of Higher Consciousness to life, taking readers on a humorous, blunt, tell-all romp through the world of men and their issues.
Before you watch, let’s finish up with CoupleDumb point of view.
Lee says: On Thursday I gave you the set-up of the game. Today, I thought I would explain how we start playing and why we don’t stop.
Men – Men enter the game very early in life. Little boys are beautiful creatures who are sensitive, vulnerable and giving. There is no fear of commitment or intimacy in a 3 year old boy. Slowly but surely, we (read society) beat that out of them. We feel very uncomfortable that our rough and tumble little boy also cries or wants to give a flower to a little girl.
Mommies tend to protect their sons from the vicious grip of the harpy who will steal his heart while Daddies will tend to remind his son of the world of poon-tang that awaits him. The Mom coddles the son and secretly relishes the protective nature of her son while Daddies live vicariously through their son’s sexual exploits. Comments like ‘No woman will love you/care for you like your Mom’ or ‘Sew your wild oats’ and ‘Don’t get tied down’ only serve to confuse a young man and ultimately have him decide that commitment is unmanly and bad.
For men, the game is their way of being close while maintaining distance. Loneliness is not an option and yet neither is a long term relationship. This is the ‘come here/go away’ position they take in everything, including the game.
Women – Women are trained to depend on Daddy. Even if Daddy has little to no role in their lives, a little girl is taught that men/fathers will care for them. We are given the double message of ‘be prepared’ but ‘look for a care-taker’. We are told to take care of ourselves because if we don’t ‘what man will want you’ and then told ‘a man should appreciate your brains’. We are raised to be a little schizo.
When they say that it is ‘a woman’s prerogative to change her mind’, it is because they know that we work under two distinct operating systems. We are encouraged to be nurturing, play house, raise our dolls, fantasize about our weddings and be domestic all the while we are receiving on the job training in our homes as free maids. We understand early on that to avoid the role of caretaker of the family, we must excel in school. We understand early-on that do our job as caretaker for the family we must show maturity beyond our years.
Women, due to an innate understanding of subtle physical cues, pick up the game quickly. We will use the Mommy/Daddy strategy (the stomach is the quickest way to heart) and the Wear you Down.
Because of the game, we have perpetually entered an episode of Three’s Company. Everybody misunderstands everyone even though we all ultimately want to connect. We need to commit ourselves to a world of honesty. True, without the Game, movies will become a lot shorter and many of the things we take for granted, such as drama or gossip, will probably die out. I could live with that. Could you?
Paul says: Yes, yes I could. I do not like drama (though I am good with gossip). When honesty becomes part of the Game, then call me.