When To Split Up
Real Relationship Advice
One of the saddest things we see is a couple that should have split up a long time ago. It sounds very judgmental but you have seen these people as well. For some reason, be it religion, the kids or the feeling of that they are consigned to misery, there are many couples who are living like the walking dead. These people tend to be the cynical folk who do not see the possibility of happiness as a state of being but perhaps see it as a fluke or something that lucky people experience. This negativity is an insipid way of being that permeates every area of that person’s life.
So what are the signs that a couple should split up:
1. Loss of respect: When we lose respect for someone it is virtually impossible to regain it. Much like working out, we create an emotional ‘muscle memory’ to how we deal with a person. When our partner irritates us, we tend to behave the same way. When we lose respect for them and allow ourselves to cross that line to insult and be mean to them then it will become a habit. This is demoralizing for everyone involved.
2. Loss of Attraction/Desire: When a couple stops having sex, it is a problem for a relationship. Yes, there are a million different reasons why sex wanes as a couple ages; kids, stress, schedules or health issues being a few. The loss of attraction/ desire or, in other words, ‘you just don’t want your partner anymore’ should be an obvious reason to leave. When a couple stops having sex it is not only the sex that is missed but the feeling of being desired. The lack of honesty is seen as noble because telling someone you formerly were in love with that you don’t find them attractive is hard. But, living in a relationship where you are unwanted is actually the death of a thousand cuts. We say, rip off the band aid and allow each of you to find love again elsewhere.
3. Other Relationships: If you feel the need to stray from your relationship to feel fulfilled as a person, you are signaling that your current partner/spouse is not enough for you. Your relationship needs help. This does not necessarily mean that you should break up. Many relationships have survived and thrived after infidelity. However, there are some relationships that do not and the unfaithful partner continues his/her exploits. The best thing to do in these situations is to leave the relationship to allow the possibility that both of you can be happy with someone else.
4. No future: Couples have a tendency to make plans. Whether a couple takes the time to create a vision board or list out goals for the future or simply dreams of a day where they can own a home or have kids, they are planning a future. If a couple does not think that way, it indicates finiteness to the relationship. It is a natural thing to do when you are in love to make plans. You see the future and both of you are in it. If not, move on.
January is break-up month. More couples break up during the month of January than at any other time of year. Start the year fresh and give yourself the opportunity to be healthy and loved.