When To Have Sex
Real Relationship Advice
So you look across the table and decide that you really like this person that you have been dating now for 1, 3 or 15 weeks. Yes, you know that you are going to ‘give it up’ at some point with this person. So the big question becomes, when. When is it too early? We have a name for women who drop their panties too quickly. Unfortunately, we also have a name for women who drop them too slowly. And, yes, guys do not have all of the bad names but they do have just as much of the crazy. Too soon and you are a player, not serious about the relationship. Too slow and you’re into other guys or you’re a monk.
When to fuck?
The answer to this is that you will know when it is right. Your gut will tell you. Yes that is the simple and accurate advice but it really can only be given to you by your Auntie Mame type granny who curses, has buried a husband and taken a lover twenty years younger than her. This advice assumes that we are in touch with ourselves. As we wrote yesterday, that is probably not the case.
If you are asking the question then what you are truly concerned with is promiscuity and impulsivity. On the spectrum of psychosexual dysfunction, one end holds the things that stop you from having or enjoying sex. The common folk would call them frigidity or prudishness. We have written about this before and will again, but not now. Just know that that is one end. The other has the impulse control issues. This is where promiscuity and sex addiction reside. You want to fall somewhere in between.
Oddly enough, most people, especially women, are not worried about putting-out too slowly. So let’s focus on too fast. Are you being impulsive? If you are with your guy, stewing in a pool of your own panty pudding, doing everything you can not to claw his shirt off then this is not the right time to address your impulsivity. Impulsiveness is a personality trait, according to scientists. This means that it is very hard to stop the impulse while it is happening. Instead you need to go into the situation with forethought. Have you had sex too early for you? Have you woken the next day with that Oh Shit feeling? Monitoring impulsiveness means looking at your life patterns, knowing them then, if you want, changing them.
With any impulse control issue, like addiction, there is a point in the treatment when you realize that you cannot do what you have been. Or in other words, if you do not want to feel like a whore then stop having sex on the first date. Put your ugly panties on because you know that no one is seeing them tonight.
If you are pretty sure that you are in the healthy middle of the sex spectrum then when do you have sex? You are not a prude and you are not an addict so can you give it up tonight? What does your gut say? Ask yourself why you are going to have sex (which we are writing about tomorrow). And know that, all hang-ups aside, sex is good. Anthropologically, the mating ritual is what removes promiscuity (sexual wanderlust) from the community. If not for sex, we would be a nomadic tribe of horny humans. Thanks to sex, we have cities. Animal culture, including human, is built on sex. So go ahead. Have a good fuck on us.