The Victimization Felony
This week we are jumping back into the dysfunctional relationship pool and discussing the common ‘relationship crimes’ people commit to destroy and undermine their relationships. Today’s Relationship Felony is very common and usually has its roots in your family of origin. Lots of kids are being raised by parents who do this and regard this behavior as normal. Statistically, they would be right. Lots of people go around life like victims and this way of thinking is seen in everything from the music we hear to the movies we watch. Heck, even politicians ‘apologize’ by crying about being victimized.
The Relationship Penal Code considers victimhood a Class 1 Felony with special circumstances. The special circumstances come from the fact that both of you are probably behaving in this manner and also committing one or both of the other felonies we have discussed this week. Victimhood is the result of deciding that the world is against you. It is a deeply held belief that you are not responsible for your circumstances. It is a belief that you feed by seeing situations as unfair. Yes, there are situations in life that happen where we have little to no control over them. However, as in everything, how you choose to deal with these situations is where you make the choice to feel put upon by the universe or choose to make the best of a shitty situation.
I have worked with all sorts of individuals that have experienced abuses as children and adults. Childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, neglect and physical and mental abuses are horrible experiences and yet you still choose how to deal with these circumstances. When we bring this mentality into a relationship, we allow the slights to become scars. The feeling of helplessness and powerlessness allows us to endure being ignored or even, on the contrary, allows us to be abusive as well.
If the Relationship Penal Code teaches you anything, you should learn that the underlying cause for all of these crimes is being irresponsible and not keeping your partner and the relationship as a priority. When you forget about being responsible and blame your spouse for every irritation, annoyance, inequity, unpleasantness, delay, dropped soufflé and wedgie the relationship is doomed to interact in the Victim Triangle (and we all know how that goes).
Relationships are easy. We make them difficult when we forget that we love our partners.