The Tamarac Test
Hello friends and happy Monday to everyone! We are wrapping up our vacation and coming home in a few days. One of the purposes of our trip was to reconnect with people and reaffirm friendships. When we were younger, friends were few and far between. At this point in our lives, we have some incredible friends who we can count on. The concept of friendship is beautiful but it is not a relationship to be taken lightly; at least not with us.
Lee says: When things get down to the nitty gritty, I am all about being loyal. If I commit to a friendship I will be as faithful as a dog. Yes, I am the best bitch you will ever know. Unfortunately, many people don’t see friendship like this. The bond of friendship is as flimsy as a promise to these people. You know who I am talking about.
I have spoken before about choosing to love. I believe a friendship is a bond that can be as strong as family. As an adult, you have the opportunity of taking responsibility for your life and that includes your support system. Because of this, you have the ability to choose your family and, in essence, create a family system that is healthier and based on mutual respect and love. I know, you are wondering where does the friendship bracelet come in and some of your friends aren’t family worthy.
This is just another example of how we minimize the specialness of something. Being a friend is a position of honor and if you treat it like that then you will choose friends wisely. I have many acquaintances. Friends must pass a series of tests and obstacles to reach the status of friendship, and then the ring of fire to be one of my bitches. I am very particular.
I’m kidding, sort of. I don’t consider disclosure part of my friendship tests. I am obviously open and secrets have no place in my life. I am private but not closed, if that makes sense. No, friendship takes something deeper than your deep, dark secret. It takes your faith, trust and loyalty. To be friends with me I must feel an affinity. I am an open, trusting, loving person and I react to people who are not. I find no joy in having relationships with people where I am trying to get the truth or gain their trust or uncovering their big secret. Sure when I was younger and less evolved, I had all sorts of friends like that. They were fucking exhausting. They were not friends. There was no reciprocity.
Now, my friends know what the job description entails. If you want to be my friend you must complete the following duties as assigned: You must be honest with me at all times even when you think I might be offended by it. You must share your insights to your issues and trust that I will be gentle when I kick you ass. You must also be gentle when you kick my ass. You are aware that falling in the same hole is grounds for a friendship review (continuing to have the same problem again and again). I am not willing to fall in with you. You must be willing to do what is needed in times of emergency (ie. Meet me at 3am at the 7/11 in Tamarac).
I don’t think I ask for much. I am not insisting that you hold my hair when I puke since I keep it short for your convenience.
Paul says: I don’t know if making a friend into family is an upgrade or a downgrade. (That’s going to get me into trouble.) You choose friends. You’re stuck with family. I do know that making family into friends is a definite upgrade. The fact that my family here are some of my best friends brings me a contentness that I cannot describe.
Unfortunately, since I wear my hair hippy length, standing around saying ‘dude, you’re gonna puke in your hair’ is part of the job description. (I’m a guy. We don’t hold each other’s hair. But we do laugh at each other a lot.)