The Not Gift Guide For Men

THE Relationship Blog

Since we did a Not Gift Guide For Women, we have to do one for men. We are all about gender equality. Plus, there are all kinds of silly things out there that you just shouldn’t get your man. Consider this a public service announcement.

Black Socks

Right before I started writing this, I received an email saying that, before buying an iPad, Kindle or laptop for your man, consider buying him black socks. Uh, no! Any electronics, even a black sock warmer, is better than black socks. BTW, this goes for white sock, green sock, purple socks or rainbow socks.

Be A Man! Becoming The Man God Created You To Be

This is a book written by a priest. You know what the first step to being a man? Telling the author of this book to fuck himself. Who is this guy to tell me how God wants me to be a man? My first problem is that the author is a priest. Neither celibacy nor pedophilia makes you a man. My second problem is that, if the book is Bible based, I am going to need to take my son to the gates of the village and throw rocks at him. Oh wait. That might not be such a bad idea.

Guess Men’s Necklace

I have no problem with necklaces for guys but that is not a necklace. That is a rosary. I went to Catholic school. If I put that around my neck, a ninja nun will appear and beat the holy crap out of me. No thank you. I’ll pass on the hell necklace.

Anything with SPF

Men in relationships are generally pretty compliant. You tell us to shave our eyebrows and we do. When the hair on the tip of my nose comes in (Yes, I have a hairy nose) Lee plucks it with tweezers. But just because we do it, does not make it gift worthy. I take out the trash but I do not want trash bags for Christmas. I put lotion on every day. I really do not care if it is Cocoa Butter or Crisco Lard. And if it has SPF then that makes it medicine.

Clothes that make us pretty

Don’t get me wrong, men like to look good. And I admit that sometimes we have a problem differentiating between rugged nice and pretty floral patterns. So we need the help of our significant others to keep us in check. Take a look the model in this photo. All this dude needs is tits and he would be a woman. If you are going to gift us with clothes, please make sure that they are clothes that you are comfortable ripping off of us at the end of the night.

In a couple of weeks we will tell you what to buy us. That way you can go last minute shopping CoupleDumb style.

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