The Not Gift Guide For Couples

THE Relationship Blog

Buying gifts is difficult for some folks. Sometimes we think it would be easier to buy a gift for the couple instead of the individual. We sometimes overreach and think we are giving them something thoughtful but it’s just wrong. Here are a few gifts to steer away from if you are buying for a couple.

The Personalized His and Hers Split Heart Keychain:

Not unlike the BFF heart, this heart is supposed to symbolize that these two lovebirds share a heart. What it really looks like is that someone broke my heart in two. I know, I am so unromantic, so pragmatic, so literal. Sure, all these things are true but look at the picture. The heart has a jagged edge. It was snapped in two! So, no, I don’t think I’m being practical. I know that if someone gave me this I would get pissed.

Family Decal Stickers

I really want to know everything about you. I want to know how many kids you have. Do you have a dog? Maybe a cat? Perhaps a ferret? Are you surfers? Quilters? Perhaps you enjoy folk dancing? These stickers are a stalkers gift to all the Obsessive weirdos in the world. We’ve gone a bit overboard from Baby on Board down to a detailed genogram including addiction issues, divorces and possible incest. TMI people. TMI!

Table Topics

What kind of socially awkward people do you have in your family that they can’t even start a conversation? Seriously, my daughter has Asperger’s and she’ll talk your ear off! She doesn’t need a card to ‘get the party started’. Maybe I come from a family of talkers but if there isn’t something intelligent to discuss, we usually can dredge up some shit on someone. Come on, like you don’t have dirt in your familia. If I really want to stir shit up I can usually rely on some gossip or harsh judgment. Come on, we’re family!

Dried Fruit

Unless the couple or family you are buying for really loves dried fruit or are the fruit cake king and queen of the universe, DON’T buy this! Seriously, fresh fruit will be a nicer gift. Sure, this shit will last longer but who the hell eats that much dried fruit. Perhaps this is my upbringing. Cubans don’t eat a lot of dried fruit. We prefer succulents like mangos and papayas. Not dried out, chewy crap.

Position of the Day Expert Playing Cards

This one is just creepy. Do you really want your friends to suggest positions for you? Or, better yet, do you want to suggest positions for your friends? Besides, 52 positions? Seriously?!! I can assure you 80% of those will involve the woman being in an ungodly, uncomfortable and probably dangerous position.

Here’s an idea, gift cards! Or, bake them something. Just avoid these gifts.

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