The Eye Of The Beholder


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          Beauty is in the eye of the beholder or, at least, that is how the saying goes. It is probably in the neurological makeup of the beholder also. Today is Thursday on CoupleDumb and we are going to help that beholder figure out where beauty lies.  

          Paul says: Last night we were watching Glee. Yes, we are Gleeks. What can we say? They have music, pregnant teens and dancing zombies. What more can we ask? So yesterday’s episode had Puck, probably the better looking of the boy meat in the show, wooing and lusting after the XXXL former female wrestler, all to the chagrin of the other hotties on the Glee team. The obvious subtext of the show is that he is classically handsome but she is not classically beautiful. Yet he wanted her in a bad way.

          This got me thinking. If you have not met Lee in the flesh then let me tell you that she has some junk in the trunk. She is definitely rubenesque and I like it. This is not just some function of being in love (even though I am in love) but it is also the type of woman to whom I am attracted. As my father would say, ‘I like my women built for comfort, not for speed’. Yes, the man is the Socrates of the 20th century.

          When we talk about ‘classically’ beautiful, what we are really talking about, in scientific terms, are shared tastes of attractiveness. We wrote a little about this already. Symmetry and proportion are a key factor to judging shared tastes. This is something that we are born seeing. It is built into our neuro-framework. Studies on infants under the age of 6 months show that the child will spend more time looking at an attractive face then an unattractive one. But obviously, something happens along the way since this judgment of attractiveness deviates as we grow older.

          For me, I am not a fan of skinny chicks. Yes, I used the word chicks because I am a male and for some reason discussing attractiveness brings out the base in me. This will probably be the topic of some future writings. Anyhow, I like curvaceous women. I like extreme eye colors, either crystal clear or jet-black, like Lee’s. These are called private tastes. Notice that they are called private as opposed to personal because these judgments are highly individual and very internalized. These are judgments that are locked into our psyches and, according to research, are as important as shared perceptions.

             Of course, there are some other characteristics to attractiveness. We all know from surveys that humor, intelligence, power and sensitivity play huge roles in the attractiveness response. For me, second to boobs, I am an eyes guy. I look at people and search for that spark of intelligence and spirit that resides in an ocular twinkle. Lee’s eyes glow intellect, wit, humor and life, all in a maelstrom of black. And I like her ta-tas. Yes, ta-tas are good.

          Lee says: As a strong feminist I think I should feel some sort of offense to Paul objectifying me and reducing me to parts. However, I love it! There is something highly attractive and beautiful about being desired.

          22 years ago, I married a guy who weighed 130 lbs and looked like he had survived the Holocaust. I thought he was beautiful because of his brilliance, smile, sweetness and gorgeous eyes. Yeah, I am into eyes as well. His eyes are hazel and change with his moods. You can call them mood eyes. His eyes catch the light in such a way that 22 years later it still takes my breath away. Funny how when we married women never gave him a second look and after a few years of marriage, he became hot shit and every woman I met had to tell me ‘Wow, your husband’s hot!’ Beauty may be in the eyes of the beholder but believing in someone’s beauty makes them feel beautiful. Judging beauty may be considered shallow but believing that others find you beautiful transforms you.

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