The Dumba Sutra

Real Relationship Advice

If you are here then you have come to learn the ancient sex arts of the Dumba Sutra. Last month, CoupleDumb unearthed an article in Women’s Health that prescribed sexual positions to couples which came straight from their ‘experts’. Most of these positions required contortionism, being emotionally and physically vulnerable and probably an old priest and a young priest just in case. The idea of getting into the butter churner position (and yes, we tried- operative term here is ‘tried’) was so ridiculous we decided to try our hand at the special expert art of coming up with weird and disastrous ways to get your groove on. Here are a few positions which we animated so that you can get a good idea of what they take to do.

1. Stick the Landing:

Sex boring? Why not couple it with gymnastics? If you want the Russian judge to give you a 10 or your partner not to end up in the ER you better Stick the Landing!

2. VW on Ice:

If there is one thing we love to do it is break dance. It is our dream to bring our B-Boy stylings to a middle aged world. This position was inspired by this. We must note that extra lubrication is required because of the massive friction.  We would suggest 10W50.

3. Cereal for Breakfast:

Sometimes there isn’t a good time to have sex. This doesn’t mean you have to go without. Masturbation is not a great meal, like cereal, but it will do the job.

We have many more but will give you a chance to try these out. We suggest you have a paramedic standing by. Not for the Cereal For Breakfast because that would be silly. Protective headgear is suggested but not required.

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