The Balance Wheel
THE Relationship Blog
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The art of relationship balance is like learning to balance plates on your nose; it’s not a common thing but it is truly a feat. A couple goes through phases and the act of rebalancing as the relationship progresses is a rigorous practice of mindfulness. We meet. We date. We love. We evolve. However, as we have said a million times, people do not like to change and couples hate it even more. Change means we need to work a little harder or learn something new and who the hell wants to do that?! The lifespan of a relationship’s evolution looks like this:
The First Phase of the average relationship:
This is basically why most relationships implode within the first 6 months. Sex cannot carry a relationship. Sure, it’s fun but it is never enough. You lose yourself in the orgasm and the lack of true intimacy makes the relationship empty.
A long-lasting relationship demands balance. Even though the beginning may be a little heavy in the sex department, this is a good thing if it is balanced with intimate communication that builds foundation. Sex without this is empty and, even though physically enjoyable, it is not enough. The goal of a relationship is to create the perfect balance between intimacy, sex and individual growth. The other slices meld into intimacy easily while sex and individual growth are equally represented. It would look something like this.
Think of it like this: when a relationship is balanced, the wheel can spin and move forward. Without forward momentum, a relationship will die. This is why change, crisis and challenges are ultimately good for relationships because it forces the couple to create balance to move forward.
This brings us to the following problem, why does a couple break up after they try to have a threesome? Do I need to draw another pie chart? Seriously, you are inviting another individual into a relationship thus putting a focus on sex and stressing the intimacy portion of your coupling. You are basically asking your relationship to take on the gravitas of another individual at the risk of damaging your commitment thus intimacy. It can’t work! I don’t care how solid a relationship you have. The math just does not add up.
Balance is so important individually that it will dictate the health or dysfunction of a relationship. Keeping centered and balanced will never allow you to ignore the need of intimacy. Keeping centered would never allow you to ignore the need for sex. Keeping centered will demand that you always keep your priority as you. And you want to be healthy, right?