Female Sexual Response is as unique as snowflakes and as predictable as the exact landfall of a hurricane. Each woman comes with a myriad of issues, hang-ups, traumas, abuses, neglects and a truck load of complexes. Our understanding of sex and how it pertains to our own bodies is subject to years of misinformation, shame, confusion and outright denying that sexuality has anything to do you. And yet, with all the problems that can make our sex lives miserable, 70% of women report being able to have an orgasm. Because of the majority of women being able to reach climax, scientists have been able to understand the course of an orgasm as it pertains to women.Read more
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I remember having a conversation with a woman who had a couple of kids and, as it is wont to do, the topic of sex came up. She mentioned how much she loved quickies. I was appalled. I told her that I wanted the whole package: a candle lit bedroom, sexy jazz playing in the background, the massage oils used for the full body massage that leads into mind-blowing foreplay only to culminate in passionate love-making which finishes with an earth shattering orgasm followed by exhausted sleep while spooning. She thought I was stupid.Read more
Do you often need to choose between sleep and sex? Is the prospect of a night of passion met with mental gymnastics trying to figure out how much rest you will get before getting up early to get the kids ready for school, making lunches, juggling appointments/meetings, work, housework, soccer practice, viola lessons, dinner and that damn science project? When they said marriage was work, this is what they were talking about. It seems today’s tired parent is overworked, undersexed and very frustrated. Neglecting the kids to make time for you is hardly a solution to this overwrought conundrum. Dropping everything for a sexual interlude looks great in movies but in reality we see that as impulsive and selfish while secretly envying it.
There are a myriad of reasons why the tired parent have a less than satisfactory sex-life. Some are:
*Trouble turning off your mind: It is virtually impossible for either a man or woman to achieve orgasm if their mind is occupied with schedules, money issues or just life’s issues. What came naturally in the bloom of the relationship takes a little more concentration after kids, jobs and a mortgage take starring roles in our lives.
* Boundaries: Today’s Tired Parent has a little problem that becomes a major issue: BOUNDARIES! With the advent of co-sleeping, no-cry sleep training, the family bed, and the Tired Parents’ default belief that it is easier for the kids to sleep with them rather than staying up all night, the marriage bed is a little crowded. If we frequently end up with a child or two in our bed, the idea of using our boudoir as a sex palace becomes tainted.
* State of mind: If we based our sexual expectations on what we see in movies (including pornography), we are seriously lacking in passion, stamina, creativity and abandon. We need to remember that the sex act in film is highly edited and not real. Who has the time or attention span to engage in something you like for that long? Also, if you feel that the act of ‘love making’ is the only forum to share intimacy with your partner, you have added an extra layer of pressure to an activity that should have been fun.
* Technique: The male and female sexual response is different. While a woman must engage her brain to guide her to her goal, a man must stop thinking so as to extend his performance. If we agree that the ultimate goal of sex is orgasm, the techniques to achieve this are quite easy. A woman can experience a primary and secondary orgasm that is connected to the nerve tissue of the clitoris extending throughout her reproductive organs while a man has a primary orgasm from direct stimulation of the glans. Positions like the missionary position (man on top) are popular due to the man’s pubis putting pressure on the female’s mons veneris (mons pubis) which rubs the clitoris. (Tomorrow we will detail techniques for a quick response).
The troubles of the tired parent do not end in the bedroom. With everything going on all at once, sometimes it is hard to remember that before the stresses and babies, we were two people who loved each other and were turned on by almost anything. We must take the time to recapture that before the day you find yourself with lots of free time and grown-ups who vaguely resemble your babies.
What is the biggest obstacle that you think you have to having quick, enjoyable sex?
Why…..Is the hardest thing you ever have to answer. ‘Why’ is the root cause, the impetus, the answer to the riddle… ‘Why’ we do anything has been the question since the beginning of recorded time. In fact, there is a whole school of thought in psychology that says, ‘forget why, just focus on the what’ because we don’t have the time to wait for that answer. Well, CoupleDumb is not from that school. We are what you would call, ‘Old School’. We are all about the ‘why’. We are all about getting to the motivation, traumas and decisions. Only when we answer ‘why’ can we move on to ‘what’s next’.Read more
For some people, dating is a mystery, slathered in an enigma, kidnapped by confusion and fed by paranoia. We start as adolescents on this journey of landing a mate with as many tools for the hunt as they would give a prepubescent boy on the Serengeti. We are told that our weapon is sex and we are not even required to get a license to use it. We are told to go by instinct but our gut feelings are muddled with so many contradictory and pithy clichés that we don’t know whether to wind our butt or scratch our watch. This week, CoupleDumb is going to give you the Who, When and Why to sex and dating. Maybe, by the end of the week, you can have a better target for the hunt.Read more
Sex- it is as easy as insert this into that. Sex- it is the most complicated human endeavor ever created. Sex- it is a chore. Sex- there is never enough of it. Sex- has too many rules. Sex- is a game for the young. Sex- should be used only for procreation. Sex- diminishes in marriage. Sex- needs to be different to be fun. Sex- the kinkier the better. Sex- the more the merrier. Sex- is better with the lights on/off.Read more
A man’s sexual dysfunction is obvious. A woman’s sexual dysfunction is something that can be painful, disturbing and highly suspect. According to the Mayo Clinic, females suffering from sexual dysfunction is not altogether uncommon. In fact, if you suffer from lack of desire or sexual response, you can be diagnosed with female sexual dysfunction. The problem is that these diagnostic criteria are subjective- self reported, as opposed to a man, who has the lack of erection as a vivid indicator. A woman’s sexual dysfunction speaks to her core.Read more
Sex is great. Sex is an integral part of being an adult. Sexuality and sensuality are inextricably linked to your level of self love and esteem. In a relationship, sex enhances intimacy and communication. In contrast to popular opinion, sex is not supposed to be a chore in a marriage but a celebration! But, what happens when one of you can’t perform? What happens if your ability to enjoy the act is affected? This week, CoupleDumb will be discussing the issue of sexual dysfunction in a relationship. Today, we will focus on Erectile Dysfunction.Read more
Over the last year and a half, a certain affliction has gotten a bum rap. This affliction affects thousands and destroys marriages and families. This affliction is as private as confession and yet has been splashed on the front page of every news paper, magazine, monologue, comedy routine and blog throughout the globe. Is it the scourge of HIV/AIDS, which has reached a pandemic level in Africa? No. Is it cancers of every type that can ravage both young and old? No. Is it meth or crack or alcohol, which has shown to have no discrimination on who they attract? No. It is sex addiction and before you shake your head and smirk, yes Virginia, there is a sex addiction.Read more