Apr 142014

CoupleDumb has discussed the issues of infidelity many times. Recently, studies have shown that the advent of social media has coincided with a spike in cheating. Adultery, emotional infidelity and using the internet to hook-up have created a new avenue of unfaithful behaviors heretofore unseen. This week we will explore this phenomenon as well as what is behind these behaviors.

sex app 300x225 Sex, Cheating, And The Cyber Pimp

Want to get laid? There’s an app for that! While the technology age has brought us an access to information that this world has never known, it also is bringing us closer to a Caligula-esque Rave party that will make the 70s look like the 50s. Smart phones are allowing people in relationships with a wandering eye to let their fingers do the walking. Cheating is as easy as paying .99 for an app that will land you in a threesome with some local couple or even find you an anonymous hookup within 5 miles from where you are standing. There is no need to take someone to dinner, chat them up or even compliment their looks. It is as easy as point and click; names are optional.

Does this ease of sex scare anyone else? We aren’t worried that there may be too much sex out there but the lack of intimacy is a concern. Anonymous sex has been found to also involve risky behaviors that may lead to sexually transmitted disease. Once the veil of propriety is broken, the need to employ socially acceptable norms, such as safe sex, flies out the window as well. It isn’t the sex that is scary; it is the fact that inhibitions are not always the enemy.

Inhibitions are considered a ‘bad’ thing in sex because they limit our repertoire. We inhibit behaviors that we deem dangerous to ourselves whether they cause physical or emotional harm. This type of anonymous sex allows us to step outside of our usual personas and be someone else which includes letting go of the ‘hang ups’ or better judgment that keep us safe. It isn’t enough to go out and have nameless hook-ups, they then go home and pass on whatever unwanted souvenirs they may have picked up to their significant other.

Seven factors were associated with greater vs lesser involvement in anonymous sex among those practicing the behavior: (1) being involved in a relationship with a long-term partner; (2) liking to have sex in public places; (3) using bareback-oriented websites to identify sex partners; (4) greater impulsivity; (5) low level of condom use self-efficacy; (6) greater knowledge about HIV/acquired immunodeficiency syndrome; and either (7a) severe childhood maltreatment or (7b) Caucasian race.

The emotional toll of this behavior is extensive. People who have been sexually active for a while can attest to the fact that over the years some activities that were once taboo are less so. The more we try, the less we feel is ‘bad’ or ‘out of the question’. We call this sexual tolerance. When you engage in risky behavior, you become accustomed to that rush. Going back to ‘vanilla’ sex with the old ball and chain just doesn’t cut it anymore. We begin to trigger the addictive mechanism which feeds off that rush of feeling naughty. And, just like a drug, the first time high of getting off on an elicit act is never re-experienced, so you do more -try more.

Look, sex is great and we encourage everyone to be healthy and have a lot of sex all the time. Be open with your partner about how you feel. The ease with which we can access sex like this is tempting. Think about it before you act. In the words of Fat Amy from Pitch Perfect, “Well… sometimes I have the feeling I can do crystal meth, but then I think, mmm… better not.”

Oct 212013

Book reviews are usually pretty dry. We read a book; we give you a quick summary and then our opinion about it. When we get a book titled, “The Posh Girl’s Guide to Play: Fantasy, Role Play and Sensual Bondage”, the same old routine is turned on its head. The author, Alexis Lass, provides the kink curious novice the information they need to ease into less vanilla sex. Whether you are interested in some simple fantasy or some Bondage and Submission, Alexis has some down to earth advice all while establishing some trust between partners.

posh girls 200x300 The Posh Girl’s Guide to Play   A Review

“The Posh Girl’s Guide to Play: Fantasy, Role Play and Sensual Bondage” is an easy read. If you are expecting a porn ridden erotic fantasy book, this is not it. Alexis Lass delivers a How-To that is well written, interesting and especially easy to follow book that is based on true experiences. Alexis’ experience with submission is especially interesting since she describes it almost as a meditation. We especially liked the way she takes the time to detail how to establish a deeper trust between partners. A couple should never just hop into kink without taking the time to establish confidence in one another specifically in cases of submission where you must practice complete trust.

“The Posh Girl’s Guide to Play: Fantasy, Role Play and Sensual Bondage”, is a great primer for those who want to get freaky in the bedroom. May we suggest this for an anniversary or perhaps even a birthday gift? You definitely need to know whether your partner is interested in this type of sexual play beforehand.

We received a copy of the book for review. We received no remuneration for this feature/review. All opinions are ours.

Oct 202013

We get to review many cool things. Due to our focus on relationships, we get some adult themed products that run the gambit of books to toys. Today’s offering is “The Moodsign” which is marketed as a “non-verbal communication device” for couples. The device is a combination of cards that have blank cards, erotic fantasy cards, quid pro quo cards and a battery operated device that have little arms that light up with different colors.

moodsign device random angle thumb The Moodsign   A Review

The game goes something like this: one of you picks a set of cards that detail things you would like to try (the cards may have fantasy play or actual sexual acts that are more about intimacy and foreplay than intercourse or penetration, i.e. masturbation or sexy play). The other pushes the button on the device and it scrolls through the colors. The arm lands on a color and then you do whatever the color coded card that was chosen beforehand says.

Look, it seems a little complicated. This is a game to increase intimacy. One of the first things we stop doing when we are a busy couple is sharing intimacy. In fact, most couples forget about the intimacy way before we stop having sex. This is a great way of keeping it hot and increasing the depth of intimacy between you. It reminds you to regard one another the way you did before life got messy. Pick up “The Moodsign” and make some time for your marriage.

We were provided a sample of the product. We received no remuneration for this feature/review. All opinions are ours.

Sep 092013

sex 253x300 365 Sex Thrills   A ReviewRecently we have been hearing about couples who committed to having sex every day for a year. The stories we have heard range from the women regaining their libido and the couples developing a deeper understanding to ‘I’m glad that’s over’. CoupleDumb supports a healthy sexual life. This includes being emotionally healthy. So, if you and your partner are in a good relationship and wondering what you can do to spice up your love life, look no further than the 365 Sex Thrills by Lisa Sweet.

The book provides you with 365 positions for you to try out. This book is NSFW or night stand and should be locked away from little people. The photography is very tasteful and is better classified as very soft porn but they still give you a clear understanding of the positions they are demonstrating. Some of the positions are old stand-bys and a few requires some stretching before you attempt them.

We will warn you that unless you have ever owned a book about sex, you may be shocked by what you see. We started out with the Joy of Sex which had a hand drawn hippy couple doing all sorts of things. This book is more tasteful but since it has pictures of real people, some of the less secure people out there may not appreciate it. But then again, those kind of people won’t be reading this, either.  We do want to point out that unlike the Karma Sutra that speaks of sexual union with euphemistic references, this book has position names that made us laugh out loud such as “Frying the Corndog”.

Get this book for your partner and leave it under their pillow like the Sex Fairy and have some fun.

We were sent a book for review. No other compensation was received for this review. All opinions are ours.

Aug 302013

As you know, Lee and I promote fun experimentation in the bedroom. Sexy lingerie and corsets are fine. OK, maybe not the corset because Lee likes to be comfortable. She is not the only one that does the dress up thing. Before we got married, I gave Lee a birthday present that kind of set the tone for our relationship. The girl that I was with before Lee was one of those typical head case girlfriends. No matter what I did, I could not impress her. But Lee was different. She seemed genuinely happy to be with me. So I took a risk and put together a special birthday package. It has her favorite perfume, a rose, a negligee, and a beefcake calendar of me. Realize that I am 6 feet tall and weighed 128 pounds at the time.

The funny thing is that this was in the days before digital photography and high graphic home printers. I needed to take hundreds of photos of myself in various poses and locations. Some of them came out and some made me look like a stalker.  I needed to get the pictures developed at a Photomat. (Those old ladies that developed the pics must have had a laugh.) The twelve page calendar cost me about $100 to make. It was worth every penny. She still has the calendar and extra photos stashed away.