Apr 032013
 

Real Relationship Advice

masturbation3 300x300 Men And Masturbation

Masturbation: The most fun you can have alone. Watch any youth romp style movie with a Jay and Silent Bob type of character in it and you know that masturbation goes with male adolescents like hand goes with… Well, you know what hand goes with.

Yet when you do a scholarly search on masturbation, you will find the words ‘sex guilt’ right next to it. Masturbation in men is one of the most joked about, guilt-ridden, double-edged acts of the sexual spectrum. Let’s look at the typical sitcom generated belief system revolving around male masturbation. If the door is closed to your adolescent son’s bedroom, the obvious possibility is that he is spanking the monkey.

For guys, culture has decided that masturbation is normal but disgusting, kind of like pooping. Everyone poops but it is still gross. Like women, historically male masturbation was considered unhealthy. Unlike women, men had the issue of spontaneous erections and nocturnal emission. Now a days, we know that both of these are normal and healthy. As a matter of fact, the lack of spontaneous erections are a sign of male impotency.

From the Victorian Era through the early 1900’s, they had readily available devices to stop a man from masturbating or achieving an erection without it being for the purpose of baby making. Some of these devices included a ring with sharp teeth that would bite into the tip of the penis if it became engorged, the process of becoming erect. After the advent of electricity in the home, they created a machine that delivered an electric shock if the penis became erect.

It is a common tune in the history of our culture that women have control over sex and if they cannot control themselves then a man needs to intervene, whereas a man has no control over his sex parts and will put his penis anywhere that he can if given the slightest opportunity. Neither of these is true but the underlying theme still permeates our beliefs about sex, especially masturbation.

There was an interesting study that came out recently that looked at our beliefs around sex and masturbation. It was a meta-analysis of sex beliefs over the last 15 years. It showed that men and women’s ideas about sex are basically the same. This surprised us. Men and women have the same basic beliefs about sex, how often, what is good or bad sex, and what is sexy. The place where they differ is in their beliefs on masturbation. There are a larger percentage of women that think that masturbation is bad and, by bad, we mean anything from sinful to hedonistic to yucky.

This is where men have it all over women (yes, the pun was intended). Men think that it is yucky also but that it is necessary. Everyone knows that an adolescent boy is going to whack off. Yes, we even have a hundred or so names for the act. Thanks to this, we know about our sexual response. We know what we like. We know the sensitivity, or lack of sensitivity, on every square millimeter of that flesh. Unlike women, who are trying to engage their brains and find the sweet spot, men are using this knowledge to disengage the brain and just stimulate enough to keep things going without climaxing.

So let’s recap this week on masturbation.  Masturbation has bad PR. Masturbation is good for women to understand their body’s so that they can achieve orgasm. Masturbation is good for men to understand how not to achieve orgasm too quickly. And most importantly, masturbation feels good.

Remember what they say about idle hands. Give your hands something to do.

Also, if you have not taken our sex survey, please click here and take it. That is something else fun to do with your hands.

Apr 022013
 

Real Relationship Advice

women masturbation 300x300 Woman And Masturbation

Women talk. We talk explicitly. If you don’t know this then you are probably male.

We tend to get vague when we discuss masturbation. Sure, we may share a review of a vibrator or a lube that you have enjoyed but we never talk about how we enjoy solo sex.  What we know statistically is that women do not masturbate as much as men. Men are expected to masturbate while women are still considered asexual until coitus. Women know this to not be the facts but we will not set the record straight.

The history behind female masturbation is both bizarre and telling of societal attitudes of women being sexual without a man.

-          Women were thought to suffer insomnia and hysteria due to external stimulation of the sexual organs.

-          The invention of the chastity belt was not only to limit coitus but also genital touching.

-          Signs of sexual enjoyment even with your husband was considered wrong and blamed on the clitoris.

-          Clitorectomies were performed to control women’s hysteria.

-          Sylvester Graham and Caleb Jackson invented the graham cracker and hydropathic therapy, cold baths, showers, etc, to curb masturbation.

-          Freud saw female masturbation childish and that as soon as a woman has experience with a real penis it should/would stop.

-          John Harvey Kellogg not only performed gruesome surgeries on men and women to stop them from masturbating, he also encouraged yogurt enemas and vegetarianism to promote healthy living and avoid the heinous act.

Even today, with all the political rhetoric, the same themes continue. The issue of choice versus religious ideals is not just a question of abortion but also a revisiting of an age old debate, is a woman allowed to be sexually mature without a man? Is a woman allowed to make choices about her sexual organs or are they the domain of man? Allowing a woman to choose what happens to her body is tantamount to allowing a woman to orgasm sans a phallus. Even though most of us have no issues with men and their penis, the ability to masturbate ultimately makes a penis obsolete for the purposes of sexual release. That would definitely put a crimp on controlling women.

The disparity of woman masturbation versus male does not end in frequency. Women masturbate in a million different ways. Some of them are:

-          Hand to genital stimulation

-          Vibrator

-          Straddling a pillow (humping- providing friction to the clitoris)

-          Water – shower massage

-          Force of thought

-          Crossing legs and tightening the leg muscles thus creating pressure on the clitoris

Each woman has their own way of doing it and become proficient at reaching orgasm quickly which is a tremendous aid when they have sex with a partner.

Men historically believed that the only way a woman could orgasm is if a phallus was introduced to the vagina. When they realized that the clitoris was the heart of the female orgasm, the nub was demonized and given a mind of its own; projection of how men envisioned their own members caused women more grief than anything else.

While men are expected to masturbate starting in early adolescence and throughout their life, women have only recently gained some respect in the field of masturbation. However, masturbation for women must only occur when they are adults and only because they are not with a man. The advent of the sex industry and the innovations in sex toys has only opened up the discussion on female masturbation which can only result in positive things for women. In the end, anything that promotes sexual satisfaction in either sex is a positive thing for society; happy people make happy couples which make happy communities and a happy world.  And, ultimate, isn’t that the point of all of this?

Apr 012013
 

Real Relationship Advice

sex ed 300x300 Masturbation

          We teach kids how to walk. We teach them how to talk. We teach them how to drive a car, boil an egg and even how to tie their shoes. If we are feeling omnipresent, we teach our kids about love, loss and how not to wear conflicting patterns and colors. With all this education, we completely ignore that our children are growing up and becoming sexual beings. The latest research shows that parents are giving the sex talk after the fact. That’s right, our kids are having sex before we explain who, what, why and how to stay safe. We teach them everything but expect our children to figure out one of the most important things about humanity on their own because we feel uncomfortable.

The most basic of topics is masturbation. It may be one of the most embarrassing topics in the field of sexuality. Sixty years ago, Kinsey showed us that 92% of men and 62% of women reported that they had masturbated at some point in their life. These numbers have held up over the years with a slight rise in females reporting that they had masturbated. As parents, we have seen our babies find their sexual organs and blush at the idea that they may be masturbating.  The conclusions we draw due to our own limited understand of sexuality and puritanical up-bringing is that it is perverse and should not be discussed. The reality is that our sexual organs have been created for pleasure and masturbation plays a large role in our ultimate understanding of how we respond sexually. To condemn masturbation is not only detrimental to a child’s future sexual satisfaction but may also affect their relationships.

Masturbation, the solo act of touching our sexual organs for the purpose of pleasure and orgasm, is beneficial for many reasons the least are:

1. Teaches us our sexual response.

2. Releases endorphins which make us happier.

3. Builds our confidence.

4. Reduces depression.

5. Provides us a template of where and how we like to be touched with which we can teach our sexual partners.

6. Is a safest of sex practices

With the negative stigmas attached to masturbation, not to mention the religious opposition to the act, it is not surprising that people feel such incredible shame concerning solo sex that it is preferable never to mention it. Even today, after supposed sexual revolutions, we find ourselves arguing over the value and necessity of masturbation.

In Biblical terms, masturbation is seen as a betrayal; a sign of physical weakness to the temptation of evil. All sexuality is seen as a means of procreation thus the expenditure of seed and strength is wicked. The term Onanism is used to describe the sin of masturbation, or self-abuse/self pollution. Onan, in the Bible, is the son of Judah who preferred to spill his seed on the ground rather than impregnate his brother’s widow. The act of impregnating the widow was considered a means of continuing the blood line but Onan, on several occasions, refused to ejaculate into his sister-in-law because the progeny of that union would not be considered his heir. This was the ultimate act of selfishness. Thus, the wickedness of masturbation is the same thing. We are wicked if we experience pleasure without the possibility of making a baby.

Today, even the Church understands that there is another purpose to having sex. They created the ever-so-effective Rhythm Method so that a married couple can enjoy themselves without the need to make babies. However, this is where the understanding of sexuality ends. The need for masturbation goes beyond just a simple sexual release. Understanding and controlling one’s orgasm is part of the foundation to maturity that we just don’t talk about. It is the basis of knowing oneself not just as a personality but as a sexual being.

Is masturbation a sin?

How often is too often?

If you have not taken our Sex Survey yet, please click here and take it. Thank you.

Apr 182012
 

Real Relationship Advice

masturbation3 300x300 About Men Masturbating

Masturbation: The most fun you can have alone. Watch any youth romp style movie with a Jay and Silent Bob type of character in it and you know that masturbation goes with male adolescents like hand goes with… Well, you know what hand goes with.

Yet when you do a scholarly search on masturbation, you will find the words ‘sex guilt’ right next to it. Masturbation in men is one of the most joked about, guilt-ridden, double-edged acts of the sexual spectrum. Let’s look at the typical sitcom generated belief system revolving around male masturbation. If the door is closed to your adolescent son’s bedroom, the obvious possibility is that he is spanking the monkey.

For guys, culture has decided that masturbation is normal but disgusting, kind of like pooping. Everyone poops but it is still gross. Like women, historically male masturbation was considered unhealthy. Unlike women, men had the issue of spontaneous erections and nocturnal emission. Now a days, we know that both of these are normal and healthy. As a matter of fact, the lack of spontaneous erections are a sign of male impotency.

From the Victorian Era through the early 1900’s, they had readily available devices to stop a man from masturbating or achieving an erection without it being for the purpose of baby making. Some of these devices included a ring with sharp teeth that would bite into the tip of the penis if it became engorged, the process of becoming erect. After the advent of electricity in the home, they created a machine that delivered an electric shock if the penis became erect.

It is a common tune in the history of our culture that women have control over sex and if they cannot control themselves then a man needs to intervene, whereas a man has no control over his sex parts and will put his penis anywhere that he can if given the slightest opportunity. Neither of these is true but the underlying theme still permeates our beliefs about sex, especially masturbation.

There was an interesting study that came out recently that looked at our beliefs around sex and masturbation. It was a meta-analysis of sex beliefs over the last 15 years. It showed that men and women’s ideas about sex are basically the same. This surprised us. Men and women have the same basic beliefs about sex, how often, what is good or bad sex, and what is sexy. The place where they differ is in their beliefs on masturbation. There are a larger percentage of women that think that masturbation is bad and, by bad, we mean anything from sinful to hedonistic to yucky.

This is where men have it all over women (yes, the pun was intended). Men think that it is yucky also but that it is necessary. Everyone knows that an adolescent boy is going to whack off. Yes, we even have a hundred or so names for the act. Thanks to this, we know about our sexual response. We know what we like. We know the sensitivity, or lack of sensitivity, on every square millimeter of that flesh. Unlike women, who are trying to engage their brains and find the sweet spot, men are using this knowledge to disengage the brain and just stimulate enough to keep things going without climaxing.

So let’s recap this week on masturbation.  Masturbation has bad PR. Masturbation is good for women to understand their body’s so that they can achieve orgasm. Masturbation is good for men to understand how not to achieve orgasm too quickly. And most importantly, masturbation feels good.

Remember what they say about idle hands. Give your hands something to do.

Also, if you have not taken our sex survey, please click here and take it. That is something else fun to do with your hands.

Apr 172012
 

Real Relationship Advice

women masturbation 300x300 Women Who Masturbate

Women talk. We talk explicitly. If you don’t know this then you are probably male.

We tend to get vague when we discuss masturbation. Sure, we may share a review of a vibrator or a lube that you have enjoyed but we never talk about how we enjoy solo sex.  What we know statistically is that women do not masturbate as much as men. Men are expected to masturbate while women are still considered asexual until coitus. Women know this to not be the facts but we will not set the record straight.

The history behind female masturbation is both bizarre and telling of societal attitudes of women being sexual without a man.

-          Women were thought to suffer insomnia and hysteria due to external stimulation of the sexual organs.

-          The invention of the chastity belt was not only to limit coitus but also genital touching.

-          Signs of sexual enjoyment even with your husband was considered wrong and blamed on the clitoris.

-          Clitorectomies were performed to control women’s hysteria.

-          Sylvester Graham and Caleb Jackson invented the graham cracker and hydropathic therapy, cold baths, showers, etc, to curb masturbation.

-          Freud saw female masturbation childish and that as soon as a woman has experience with a real penis it should/would stop.

-          John Harvey Kellogg not only performed gruesome surgeries on men and women to stop them from masturbating, he also encouraged yogurt enemas and vegetarianism to promote healthy living and avoid the heinous act.

Even today, with all the political rhetoric, the same themes continue. The issue of choice versus religious ideals is not just a question of abortion but also a revisiting of an age old debate, is a woman allowed to be sexually mature without a man? Is a woman allowed to make choices about her sexual organs or are they the domain of man? Allowing a woman to choose what happens to her body is tantamount to allowing a woman to orgasm sans a phallus. Even though most of us have no issues with men and their penis, the ability to masturbate ultimately makes a penis obsolete for the purposes of sexual release. That would definitely put a crimp on controlling women.

The disparity of woman masturbation versus male does not end in frequency. Women masturbate in a million different ways. Some of them are:

-          Hand to genital stimulation

-          Vibrator

-          Straddling a pillow (humping- providing friction to the clitoris)

-          Water – shower massage

-          Force of thought

-          Crossing legs and tightening the leg muscles thus creating pressure on the clitoris

Each woman has their own way of doing it and become proficient at reaching orgasm quickly which is a tremendous aid when they have sex with a partner.

Men historically believed that the only way a woman could orgasm is if a phallus was introduced to the vagina. When they realized that the clitoris was the heart of the female orgasm, the nub was demonized and given a mind of its own; projection of how men envisioned their own members caused women more grief than anything else.

While men are expected to masturbate starting in early adolescence and throughout their life, women have only recently gained some respect in the field of masturbation. However, masturbation for women must only occur when they are adults and only because they are not with a man. The advent of the sex industry and the innovations in sex toys has only opened up the discussion on female masturbation which can only result in positive things for women. In the end, anything that promotes sexual satisfaction in either sex is a positive thing for society; happy people make happy couples which make happy communities and a happy world.  And, ultimate, isn’t that the point of all of this?