Why Men And Women Cheat

Why is someone unfaithful? When people speak of infidelity, we usually look at the affects and aftermath of the deed. We assume that all infidelity is created equally. Men are pigs. Women are whores. Men have needs. Women are frigid. Men are overworked. Women need sex, too! All of these have been bandied about like one-size fits all explanations. However, all of these things are just societal labels that aren’t actual etiologies but just pigeon-holes. Now, to be clear, what we will be outlining here are not excuses for behaviors but starting points from which to start the healing.

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When Women Cheat

Women who engage in being unfaithful to their partners are not as uncommon as you would think. According to the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 54% of women admit to being unfaithful in any relationship in their lifetime as compared to 57% of men. However, when married, the statistics take a drastic turn and only 14% of women admit to infidelity while married while 22% of men admit to straying at least once in their married lives. Women and men are not that different in that respect but why they cheat is a horse of a different color.

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Women Who Cheat

Infidelity is an issue that affects many relationships. It is a symptom; not the actual problem. Many couples want to focus on the cheating and then are surprised when they get to couples counseling and the therapist wants to talk about their relationship. Cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum. We wrote about men cheating last week and this week we promised to discuss women who cheat, and no, this not a repeat of last week. For all the reports of women ‘catching up’ to men, when it comes to sex and cheating, infidelity is never ‘just about the sex’.

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Infidelity Week

We recently wrote about being a mistress and there were some interesting comments. Some put the blame solely on the man. The reasoning was that the men were the ones with the commitment thus they were the ones breaking their word. Others could not see how a mistress could be at fault for infidelity while others just wanted to bash cheaters and those who support that behavior. All CoupleDumb can say to all of those who commented is, ‘Did you actually read the posts?’ We did not condone infidelity nor did we promote being a mistress. Instead what we said was that being a mistress is a shitty job and you deserve better. This week we will discuss the men who cheat- the whys, the whats and the hows.

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Stop Being The Mistress

I have been nice this week discussing mistresses. I understand on a professional level that it takes a certain kind of woman to be a mistress and there is an inherent brokenness in these women that cannot be denied. That being said, this does not excuse the behavior. If a man dupes you and you find out he is married, the right thing to do is end the relationship. However, if your eyes are wide open and you enter a relationship with a married man, you know that you are potentially party to destroying a family or, at the very least, a marriage.

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Mistress Myths

A mistress is a nice way of saying a woman who has sex with a married man. The term Mistress harkens back to the days of the swank New York apartment and your man showing up with enough time to have a drink and a bonk before rushing out to get home to his family. These women would spend their days shopping or getting their hair done, just waiting for when their temporary man came to visit. She was on hold. She was not allowed to date or the swanky apartment would disappear.

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The Mistress Mindset

In the year of our Lord, 1983, one muggy August morning in Los Angeles, I began my first day in college with a class followed by meeting my new boss in the Bursars office. Work study was a godsend. I could go to school and still have some money for gas and fun. My supervisor was Connie F. and she was the big boss in the loan department. She was impeccably dressed and her makeup was probably better suited for evenings. Connie was perfect for her job because she had several OCD qualities. Her directions were to be followed to the letter. If I was going to file something, it had to first be alphabetized with her flappy alphabetizing thingy and then it could go in the file. Since I was a good worker bee, she decided to share her philosophy of life and give me advice. Her sage words were to be a mistress and let some man take care of me.

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Infidelity And Other Reasons That People Divorce

CoupleDumb has been writing about relationships and the stupid things we do to mess them up for 3 ½ years and there are people out there still making stupid mistakes. There are still people out there taking things personally and ending relationships because they are too proud or too angry or too hell-bent on being right or too scared or too hurt. It has been a while since we have just given our opinion without the aid or support of data. This week, we are unleashing the Kraken and hitting you with both barrels because we have some pent up frustrations and, well, you get to enjoy the rants.

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