Conscious Uncoupling sounds a lot like the premise of an SNL sketch. Even though it is based on Psychodynamic principles and is a responsible way of breaking up, there are still some premises that do not necessarily settle well with reality. One of the reasons that Gwyneth Paltrow gave on her website GOOP for trying Conscious Uncoupling is that people live longer and the idea of a ‘forever’ love is not reasonable. As we grow, we change and so must our relationships. CoupleDumb does not agree.
First of all, we aren’t really living longer. That old chestnut comes up a lot when explaining behaviors that are aberrant or do not fit what we used to do. The reality is that our life expectancy has been quite stable for centuries. What has changed is infant mortality. As more babies survive, the average life span seems longer. It’s a math thing.
The idea that a long term marriage is unreasonable is a rationalization that has gotten lots of mileage and based on the false belief of ‘it can’t be done’. Even though forever may seem like a mighty long time, believing is half of the battle. If you believe that a marriage will not last, it won’t. GOOP’s resident experts are Dr. Habib Sadeghi and Dr. Sherry Sami. Dr. Sadeghi is a doctor of Osteopathic Medicine and Dr. Sami is Dentist and Orthodontist. I’m not saying that these people do not have impressive backgrounds and are probably good people to turn to for healthy living advice; I just don’t know if they should be giving the rationale for Conscious Uncoupling.
Life expectancy is not a reason to give to explain divorce. As we have discussed here many times, the divorce rate, when you subtract the young and uneducated from the stats, is actually only 30%. When we also subtract some problems created by Object Relations issues then you are actually looking at very few divorces. If life expectancy issues were really at play in divorce then we should all be divorcing around the 20 year mark. Actually, the reality is that most divorces take place in the first 5 years.
Conscious Uncoupling is a good idea. Let’s not make it stupid because we don’t understand how statistics works.