Stop Being Stupid
THE Relationship Blog
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People make us sad. There are certain behaviors and character flaws that will bring a tear to our eyes. We are not talking about disabilities or overt dysfunctionality like addiction. We are talking about the stupid things we do to make relationships impossible. We are talking about the root of CoupleDumbness. Why did we start this website in the first place?
1. Fear in relationships: ‘I can’t tell her I love her because she’ll know she has me and will lead me around by the nose.’ ‘I can’t tell him I love him because he’ll freak out and leave me.’ ‘I can’t ask her out. What if she says no?’ Good Lord! Put on your big girl panties and man-up or woman-up! It doesn’t matter what the other person does. Your success in life is not predicated on the all the yes’s in life but on the way you handle the no’s. (Damn, that was really deep.) The win does not come from everything going smoothly but how you handled success or defeat. They can say yes and you think everything else is going to be yes’s? That isn’t how it works. When they say yes you don’t get to spike the ball. That is the point where you carry the ball to the end zone which is around a zillion miles away. Some days it will be an easy and nice jog. Some days you will see resistance in the form of work, world demands, the kids and other crap thrown from the stands. Some days you will be chased by rabid attack dogs. That’s life. Deal with it!
2. Lying in relationships: ‘It’s good to keep a little mystery in a relationship.’ ‘There is nothing to gain from telling each other everything.’ Honesty is the basis of trust and vice versa. There is no place for secrets in a relationship. Keeping things from each other does not cause intrigue but it will create jealousy, distrust and all sorts of dysfunctional behaviors. We know some of you still think jealousy is a good thing. Even the tiniest bit will ultimately be the undoing of a relationship. However, we at CoupleDumb do believe that there is little benefit to telling your partner about every person you have slept with unless you are still around that person. In other words, you can’t be friends with an ex and not tell your partner that you fucked. Not cool.
3. Not fighting for your relationship: ‘We grew apart.’ Bullshit! You let each other go! Listen up, unless you are Rip Van Winkle and fall asleep like a marathon narcoleptic, you can’t miss the signs you are growing apart. If you want to let a relationship die, stop paying attention. That is the secret to all these divorces. You let things slide. You pretend they aren’t happening. You never resolve anything. You wake up from your long sleep and find you haven’t had sex in months, you never talk and you have nothing to say to each other because you aren’t really part of each other’s lives. Then you play the blame game but in reality, you are both responsible for this death.
Relationships are not a full time job. We say it takes work but that makes it sound difficult. They aren’t. In thermodynamics, work is the amount of energy transferred from one system to another. So when we say work, we mean transfer your energy to your partner. Invest your energy in your partner and allow them to do the same to you. This is how we create steam and energy! Thus your relationship becomes this engine that can generate its own power. That sounds like smart advice if we do say so ourselves.