Sex Ed


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          Tuesday is kid day and this week is about good sex. This is kind of an oxymoron. It’s gross talking about sex around kids. We spend more time fretting about how to explain sex to our kids and trying to retard their development than actually having them understand the profundity of the topic. Shame on us.

          Lee says: As mammals, we are an oddity. We are the only mammal that takes this long to sexually develop. Sadly, our sexual development happens years and even decades before our intellectual and emotional development. So, we have pubescent children who do not have the intelligence or emotional fortitude to deal with the consequences of sex. To add more insult to this horrible joke, we give these children parents who are so traumatized or tongue tied with our own hang-ups that we cannot even shepherd our little ones through the valley of sexual maturity.

          Sadly for our kids, a parent’s involvement in their sexual development is the best indicator to how fulfilling their sex life will be when they are older. However if you ask most parents if they wish a good sex life for their kids their response will usually be sticking their fingers in their ears and singing ‘lalalalalala’ until you walk away. Sex is something other people do. My kids are babies and will never do that. Or, even better, I don’t want to know anything about it! My parents don’t know anything about my sex life and that is just fine by me!

          We neglect to discuss the burgeoning feelings with our kids and lose several opportunities to teach our kids about sexuality. Did you see what I did here? ‘The sex talk’ lasts a few minutes. The sexuality talk lasts years. Sexuality addresses the mind, body and spirit of sex and not just the bumping and grinding. This is where we can discuss boundaries and dispel rumors and quash myths and encourage them to be open in their discussions with partners and evolve the Mom/Dad child relationship. Let’s face it, curiosity is not the best of teachers.

          Paul says: We need to show our kids what good sex is. Eeeewwww. Not show them like that! This is not a Monty Python sketch, with Mom and Dad getting naked and instructing the children on proper thrusting techniques. I am talking about showing them the intimacy can lead to sex but sex does not lead to intimacy.

          We all know that ‘first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage’. The implication is that, somewhere between love and baby carriage, there is a whole bunch of bumping and grinding with  a little slapping and tickling and, maybe, some leaping and twirling. Yet we neglect to say this part but we hope that, through divine intervention and not experimentation, they figure it out. We do not want our kids to put the cart before the horse or, more directly, put the baby carriage before the love.

          I have authority issues. Tell me not to do something and I just need to do it. Wrap it in mystery and you own me. It is simple and linear. You can get me to do almost anything by telling me not to do it. I am the guy that pushes the ‘do not push’ button. I am, in my essence, an adolescent. So, if you want your kids to boink as surely as the sun will rise, tell them not to have sex then say that you are not going to talk about it anymore. If you make the slashing hand gesture and walk away, their underwear will probable hit the ground before you leave the room.

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