Secrets To A Happy Marriage, Number 1

THE Relationship Blog

Saturday we celebrated our 23 year anniversary. 23  years. 23 happy years. We point that out since we have met many couples who have been married longer than us and they look like they should be on anti-depressants and perhaps some ECT (electric shock treatment for those who whistle happy tunes everyday). Being married a long time is not an accomplishment if you are miserable. It’s a prison, wrapped in a straight jacket and rolled in glass; pain is not an accomplishment.

Happiness is not a dream but a real possibility for everyone. This is how we are starting this new year. 2012 is the year of HAPPINESS! Happiness is not bestowed on you like a veil made of cotton candy and stars but is something you create and maintain like a garden or, for those of us who do not have a green thumb, a website. You upload the information you like, weed out the crap you don’t and check it every day to make sure some ass hasn’t shat on your creation.

So, what is the secret to our happiness as a couple? Secret number one will surprise many but not those who believe in the power of love:

1. WE DON’T FIGHT!

Maybe that was too simple.  We don’t position ourselves. For whatever reasons, there are many couples who have made the decision that their spouse is wrong. When we have this belief, everything becomes an argument. I’m right, you’re wrong. It’s up, not down. It’s black, not white. This way of being is learned and practiced throughout the generations. We do not respect one another. Ladies, we think men are stupid or unfeeling or inconsiderate or brutish. Gentlemen, we think women are stupid or emotional or irrational or weak. With these beliefs, we are doomed.

Unfortunately, when we are stressed, tired, hungry or angry, we revert to old beliefs, old patterns and pretty much treat our spouse as the blue robot in Rockem Sockem Robots. ‘I will knock his block off!’ We aren’t saying that all couples are physically inappropriate but that you do argue as if it is a cage match and the prize is that hideous belt that you will wear proudly.

How not to fight:

1. Commit that there is no subject matter in the world more important than your marriage. Being right is not more important than your marriage.

2. Respect for each other is above all. Commit that you believe that your spouse is intelligent, loving and above all else a good person with your families best interest at heart.

3. Commit that you will not ever argue when hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Take a time out. It works for the kids and works better for adults.

If you can’t do these things than we would suggest that you reconsider your marriage. We know that it is a harsh thing to say but ultimately, why fool yourself? If you can’t commit to your spouse being a good person than why are you with them?

Tomorrow, more secrets…..

Happy New Year from CoupleDumb!

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