THE Relationship Blog
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Relationships. We all cry when we don’t have one and yet have a very warped sense of what a relationship is. What is a relationship? Really, answer that one for yourself and you will feel a whole lot better about what you have in your life.
‘When you meet anyone, treat the event as a holy encounter. It’s through others that we either find or love our self. For you see, nothing is accomplished without others. When you eliminate the concept of separation from your thoughts and your behavior, you begin to feel your connection to everything and everyone.’ – Dr. Wayne Dyer
Relationship is connection. We have created a very elaborate maze of obstacles and riddles and rules to define a romantic relationship but in reality all it is is a connection. Sure, my connection to my parents or my kids is different from the connection I have with my husband but they are all just connections. I am connected to everyone I meet, speak with, friend on facebook or even cyberly communicate with on Twitter. I don’t have to know them to connect with them. How simple, no?
For some bizarre reason, human beings like to keep themselves separate from the world. We create walls and demarcation lines and borders and fences and races and nationalities to say I am different from you therefore separate and untouchable. We do this as children as well. We develop this odd patriotism to our classroom, school and neighborhood. We are territorial and will fight alongside our ‘brothers in arms’ but don’t you dare come over my house when this is all done. We bond over hatred, misery, fear and pain but I will only let you in so far and our ‘relationship’ is limited. We have all these rules and walls and yet have the worst boundaries!
Remember, a boundary is an imaginary line that we create to maintain ourselves safe. We have physical boundaries (I’ll shake your hand but no more touching) and emotional boundaries (You don’t get to call me Sweety or Stupid!). The average person has either rigid boundaries, where they do not allow anyone close to them, or they have no boundaries and have the word WELCOME tattooed on their backs to be the perfect doormat. For any relationship to flourish, an individual needs flexible boundaries. A flexible boundary has is where a person can begin with a set of rules and give some up to accommodate a relationship without losing any integrity in the process. In other words, when you begin dating you may allow a hug or a kiss but you aren’t willing to perform circus acts on the second date (if you are, we are not judging you).
A relationship is connection. We can connect through our experiences, memories, values, sense of humor and even our souls. If we see a human being as energy, then you can see connection as inevitable. We are meant to connect and learn through our connections. As Dr. Dyer says, the greatest lessens we learn in life are through our relationships/connections. Every moment and every connection is an opportunity to learn something about ourselves. However, for those who wish to keep their lives unexamined and choose to see themselves as pinballs slapping against the bumpers of life, then these passing people are merely more persecutors in your tortured existence.
I savor my connections. Like the lady who ran up to us last weekend and told us she loved CoupleDumb. I love her too! Like the guy who said thanks when I let him cut in front of me in traffic. Thank you too! When we get out of our own way, we will see that we are all connected and in relationship. How we set up those boundaries and fences after that understanding will directly affect how successful those relationships will be. For that, you need to read the rest of the week.