Reader’s comment pisses Lee off
In response to the article, Your Side of the Bed or Mine, desani4deri wrote:
“i think women can present more intimacy than man can do…think about our mother. “
Lee says: When I responded to this comment, I focused on the post topic of intimacy in relationship and specifically on a man’s ability to be intimate. Here, we will continue to respond but focused on the concept of women having a corner on the intimacy market.
Even as a woman, I really find this comment offensive. She asks me to remember my mother. Now I adore my mother and she is a hell of a woman but as a child, I received more intimacy and affection from my father. My mother was the law giver and disciplinarian and my Daddy was “fun time guy”. My father would provide us the hugs and hair tussles that my mother felt would diminish her authority over us. My mother took care of us when we were sick and handled all of our necessities but the love came from our father. Only as a mother now, do I understand the pressures and psychology behind my mother’s lack of physical contact. She was afraid. But that is another post for another day.
I believe perpetuating the myth that men are not intimate is the basis for the belief that a mother is a better parent and a woman carries a relationship. I’m not trying to be P.C.. I have seen some shitty fathers and I have seen some exceptional fathers. I have seen some magnificent husbands and I have planned the murder of some horrible ones. My opinion is based on what I see as discrimination. Men always receive the short end of the feeling stick (also another blog post).
I think men are wonderful creatures that have as much capacity to feel as we do, ladies. Our underestimation and assumptions are behind this opinion that men are robotic and only interested in nailing their conquests. Yes there are many men who are quite crippled in the area of love and as women we need to take responsibility for crippling or adding to their dysfunction.
Paul says: As you can tell, this is somewhat of a hot topic for Lee and I. You’ll be seeing variations on this issue in future posts. For me, it all boils down to this ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ crap. Sorry folks, but we are all from Earth. There may be differences across the genders but we were all socialized by a community of men and women. I hug my children but we also wrestle. I kiss my wife’s neck, cuddle in bed, and give her a Dutch oven when I can. From the passionate to the stinky, these are all forms of intimacy. I wonder how many people out there would understand that.
Lee’s response: Dutch ovens are not intimate. They’re just gross.