Sticky and sweet or dry and sour

People who know us are well aware that we have never liked the target of our Celebrity Smackdown. Honestly writing about this bitch is a little too easy; kind of like shooting whores in a barrel. This is the queen of shock and has created a career out of reinvention. If left to her own talent, she would be singing back up in Laughlin for Jessica Simpson. This lady has exchanged talent for nudity and people lap it up. Of course we are talking about Madonna and we will shower after this post.

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Love or chocolate

It’s Valentine’s Day week! And you are probably wondering; “When did one made up Hallmark Day get its own friggen week?” We hear you loud and clear. This week is sweet but the reality is that in the 21 years of our relationship, we have hardly ever celebrated this day. For us, February 14 is any other day of the year. Occasionally we have exchanged cards or gone out but it isn’t that important to us unlike some couples that save up their love for a dinner at Red Lobster, a box of chocolate and 2 minutes of sex. We would rather spread out that kind of joy.

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I’ll Choose Love for a 200 Alex

Last week’s post on Thursday regarding relationships like corporations wasn’t very romantic. But let’s face it, society has built up love and couplings to be this biochemical explosion that can only be understood with a periodic table and a Bunsen burner. People talk about “having chemistry” with someone else as if that is the litmus test for all attraction. If they aren’t using scientific terms for pairing up with someone, then it becomes some magical mumbo jumbo of how a person saw fireworks or heard the perfect sonata when “the one” kissed them.

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Don’t fuck with the mouse – Part 2

If you are gearing up to see the Jonas Brothers movie come out in 3D, stop reading now. We’re just going to upset you. If you own the Hannah Montana wig with concert microphone, walk away from your computer and go play your Best of Both Worlds where you can pretend to spend the day with your idol. If you are my little brother, I’m about to upset you and don’t bother calling Mom cause she’s on my side. This isn’t just a kid thing. Parents are obviously feeding this Disney beast and singing along to those insipid little songs.

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Hell is full of adolescent girls (but they work there)

Lee and I love our children, contrary to popular opinion. We spend a lot of time with them, both quality and the other type. But I am not so certain that we like kids in concept. They have a unique blend of smelly and annoying that may change over the years but doesn’t go away until it is sandblasted away with the cynical pressures of life. So that is why I was approaching Jeannie’s small gathering of female friends, five adolescent girls coming over to celebrate Jeannie’s birthday, with the same dread that OJ Simpson should have when he meets Saint Peter.

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Your side of the bed or mine

After 20 years of marriage, I can safely say Paul and I are very intimate. Most people will confuse intimacy and sex which is why we have such a high divorce rate and some people date like serial killers on a spree. Intimacy is the sharing of vulnerability. It is creating a level of honesty that only you two share. Now I know that many of you are saying, “Lee, WTF! Vulnerability, honesty, serial killers? This shit isn’t funny and it makes me feel weird in my stomach!” Relax people! Paul and I are committed to sharing our pearls of wisdom of how this relationship has worked and it will only pinch a little bit.

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