The Pee-Pee slapping dance and other cool tricks.

If you do not know what the pee-pee slapping dance is, then let me enlighten you. The male of the relationship steps out either fully naked or, at a minimum, nude from the waist down. With a rapid oscillation of his pelvis, he sets his genitalia into motion, making a slap as his penis whips to the left, then right, then left again. He does this for several seconds, ending in a Ta-da, before padding away to wherever he was, fulfilled at a job well done. The impact is best if the audience, or shall we call her the victim, is in some innocuous space like the kitchen or laundry room.

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And next year they release the remake of Slumdog Millionaire

This celebrity smackdown will not be focusing on one person but the entire industry. We realize we don’t see many films anymore unless they are animated. We also realize that the capital needed to produce a movie nowadays is the Gross National Product of a medium sized nation and the risk of a film is ameliorated if you bank on a sure thing. But our question is, where is the creativity, innovation and pizzazz of Hollywood? So our smackdown is directed to all you movie moguls who think that redoing Smokey and the Bandit is a good idea.

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What’s the magic word? (Bite me?)

Lee says: I may be a bitch but I’m polite. I ask for things with a ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ regardless of who it is. I refer to people formally until given permission to use a more familiar name and I maintain these niceties at home as well. I don’t know whether this comes from my parent’s tutelage or my utter terror of the nuns at St. Catherine’s Laboure, in California. I strive to teach my children the same etiquette even in a climate of self entitlement.

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All this post needs is a bottle of Scotch (And one lone tear)

Did you know that there are more than 4,000 species of frog? That’s what the Book of General Ignorance tells us. Of the large number of frogs, only one species says Ribbit. So, why am I giving you this piece of environmental trivia on a site that generally only talks about relationships and society? Because the one type of frog that makes a Ribbit sound are indigenous to the forests around Hollywood, California. Yes, the Ribbit Ribbit noise that we have assimilated into our culture is a function of Hollywood going into its backyard and taping sounds for a movie with a male cow with utters or a bear in an Indian jungle.

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Yes, I called them chattel

Pilar asks: Does a child from 13 to whatever age 17, 18, 19 have the right to privacy? I mean if we are concerned about something regarding your son/daughter don’t we have the right to go into their myspace for example. I have been talking to several parents and they seem to think if they are living under my roof they have no privacy. My thoughts exactly but some parents believe it’s unethical to go through their myspace.

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Wacky Joaquin (’cause nothing rhymes with douche)

Every week we scan the news and gossip blogs for a celebrity or entertainment icon to smackdown. Usually, by Sunday, we know who we are going after. They tend to be obvious choices. This week, we actually had to think about it. It was only when we reviewed our Oscar Live Commentary that we did on Sunday that someone popped out: no, not Mickey Rourke. For the sake of our sanity, we can’t look at that guy anymore and we need to move on.

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Lie to Me (and feel my wrath)

Have you seen the new Fox show ‘Lie to me’? We have watched a couple of episodes and we are HOOKED! They have O.K. stories but they pepper the hour with cool body language science and examples of modern day political leaders. But you don’t care what we watch on Wednesday nights. You want to know how this has anything to do with children and parenting. We think it’s obvious. So make eye contact and do not squint at us.

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