OMG, This Is Totally Random


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          Tuesday of Free For All week on CoupleDumb means ranting and raving about children. Our problem is that it is not the children that bother us. It is their parents.

          Paul rants: So it’s my turn to rant. Admittedly, I am not as proficient as Lee in this arena but I’m going to give it a try.

          Just because your kids are stupid does not mean you have to become an idiot to make them look smarter. (How’s that for a start?) We have language for a reason. It is a beautiful thing that can wash over our auditory processing center such that we feel joy, sorrow, fear or excitement. I am a big fan of language, using words in a new and inventive light. Lee and I teach our children to bust out the big words, never settling for the easy vocabulary. So why would an adult of roughly middle age choose to use vocabulary of a teenager?

          I was on a fieldtrip with my three year old son, looking at the organically grown herbs and chatting with the other parents on the trip. On a side note, there were more chaperones than kids, but that is a rant for another time. While speaking with one of the parents, this mom busted out the words ‘totally random’. You all know Lee and my backgrounds. If you are going to use the word ‘random’ there had better be a statistical analysis behind it. Some chaos theory would also do but please include a fractal diagram with the sentence.

          She then went on to say the letters O…M…G and L…O…L. Now, if someone just stabbed you in the lung and the air necessary to speak keeps seeping out as bloody bubbles between your ribs, then giving me the Morris code version of things is acceptable. You can also write it in your own blood on the nearest flat surface right before you expire but this lady had neither of these scenarios going. She stayed alive despite the looks that I gave her.

          Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can kill you as evidenced by the rash of hate crime, bullying suicides lately. Words have power.  If this is true, then why not use them like an educated adult? I’m sorry but I have a huge issue with bringing myself down to the level of a teen or tween. When I was that age, I already knew that my brain was little more than a matzo ball of sociopathic angst floating in a broth of hormones, impatience and insecurity. As an adult, I will not pretend that the psychosis that we call adolescence is something that I condone. For me, adolescence is something to survive but, then again, I will admit that that might be my issue.

          My daughter used to say ‘totally random’, mainly as an exclamation. It would follow this pattern:

          I said, ‘your friend called’.

          She said, ‘totally random’.

          She stopped after my fifteenth lecture of the meaning of the word random, the mathematical significance, and a few threats that indicated that people that say ‘totally random’ may need to repeat high school. I wonder if I can lecture the adults out there that are reinforcing this.       

          Lee says: Hey, you rant pretty well for an amateur! I say, if you are going to do the text talk then maybe it would help if everybody knew what the hell that meant. Trust me. God is not an adolescent but He knows you are saying God when saying OMG. It isn’t like a free pass to the whole commandment thing.

One comment

  • Hilarious. :). But you meant than not then in the line about the field trip. Or maybe it was meant to be ironic? A rant about dumb parents with spelling errors. I am the spelling error queen. I don’t dare rant about the dumb parents because I’m fairly sure I’m one of them.

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