Now That You Can Marry, Should You?
Congratulations to all of our friends out there that have the right (or soon will have the right) to get married. As you know, CoupleDumb is a big proponent of happiness and we believe that everyone deserves the right to find their own joy. So go and get married. Have huge weddings, piss off in-laws, raise children and do all of the fun stuff that the hetero couples have been doing for years.
Now that you understand that we are firm advocates of marriage equality, let’s talk a little about the downside of last week’s Supreme Court ruling striking down DOMA and Prop 8.
Domestic Violence laws apply to you too – The statutes of most states make domestic violence any abuse between two people that are cohabitating. The problem is that these laws are very fuzzy when it comes to cohabitation. Let’s take California for example. A month ago, two men fighting in their home could be considered battery if one of the people brought the other up on charges. It would be the prosecutor’s job to make a case that domestic violence laws applied. Some of the criteria have to do with sharing property and length of time that the couple lived together.
Now, once you signed those papers and took your vows, you are bound by domestic violence laws. Time living together means nothing. Domestic violence includes verbal and psychological abuse. The moment that your state says that you can legally get married, these laws apply to you. Congratulation.
(On a serious note: Domestic Violence is horrible. Having everyone bound by these laws is a positive in the marriage equality column.)
Marrying a debt – If you live in a community property state, all of the debt incurred by one spouse belongs to both spouses. Being that money is the number one reason that a couple argues, sharing debt is a huge legal issue. The same rules apply to a same-sex couple as they do to an opposite-sex couple; know how you are going to deal with your money before you get married.
‘Putting a ring on it’ changes things – The government has been collecting data on marriage for years and the stats apply to you too. Researchers will began looking at the differences between same-sex and opposite-sex marriages but for now there is no reason to think that the rules do not apply to all marriages.
- About 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. This number gets better with education and income.
- People who live together for more than two years then get married have a higher divorce rate.
- Money and sex are two of the biggest stressors of a marriage.
- Children do not fix a broken marriage.
This post really is about equality and congratulations. We are able to tell the same-sex couples the same thing that we have been telling the opposite-sex couples. Stop looking at the wedding and start thinking about the marriage. Just because you have the right to marry does not mean that you should get married. It may not seem like it now (with the legal and political fighting that needed to happen to get the right to wed) but the wedding is the easy part. In 40 years from now, marriage equality will be something that we read about in history books but your marriage will still be going strong. That is CoupleDumb’s hope for you.